The Pollock, Pollack, Polish, or Retard Slapfight* consists of two or more opponents facing-off in a jousting match/slapfight with their arms held in a specific position: the left arm is bent so the left hand protects/covers the face, while the right arm is outstretched over the left arm and held outright as a slapping weapon. There are no specific rules regarding this fighting form beyond the understanding that both opponents must keep their arms in this position during melee and that combat must be accompanied by loud screaming. There is little or no information on the internet regarding this rare childhood martial art form; Blogadilla may be the first ever.

*A Note to the Politically Correct Reader: If you happen to be Polish or mentally retarded (or Polish and retarded), please do not take offense to this nomenclature. I didn’t name this, nor do I hold some official position as Namer of Late-70’s Early-80’s Childhood Games. It is clear that these terms come from a cruel era when kids freely taunted retards and the Polish. I can personally attest to the erroneous nature of these terms: I dated a Polish woman. She was brilliant and charming and insisted that this fighting form is NOT in the Polish martial arts repertoire (and she was also perfectly capable of screwing-in a lightbulb by her own means). Likewise, my previous experiences working with mentally challenged children revealed little natural ability or interest in this form of combat, despite my numerous efforts to teach them. They much preferred jumping onto my back without warning and spitting chewed-up cookie down the back of my shirt.

Tags: how-to, jackassery, reference, weekly post, What is it?
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