Archive for December, 2007

By the Numbers: Evel Knievel

Monday, December 3rd, 2007

According to his last wishes, the remains of Robert “Evel” Knievel will be set on fire and launched over the Grand Canyon.
Given his recent passing, his final numbers can now be tallied:

Wives: 2
Longest Coma: 29 days
Pelvis Fractures: 3
Number of Broken Bones: (sources vary from 35 to 40)
Total Number of Days in the Hospital: 36 months
Number of Times Running an Anaconda Mining Company Earthmover into the Butte Montana City Powerlines: 1
Number of Mountain Lions Jumped at One Time: 2
Greatest Number of Cars Jumped at One Time: 19
Greatest Number of Greyhound Buses Jumped at One Time: 14
Convictions of Assault with an Aluminum Baseball Bat: 1
Arrests for Solicitation of a Prostitute: 1
Liver Transplants: 1
Back Taxes Owed in 1983: $1,600,000.00

Fun With AT&T Labs

Monday, December 3rd, 2007

The AT&T Labs ‘Text-To-Speech’ Synthesizer is great fun to play with: different languages, dialects, and voices. It’s just too tempting to get it to say juvenile things in different accents:
British
French
Latin American Spanish
German [my favorite]

‘What Is It?’ of the Week: Aroniaberry, Açai, and Dragonfruit

Saturday, December 1st, 2007

[Technically, this is a "what are they?" - three relatively obscure fruits that are now making appearances in American food products]


Aroniaberry (Aronia melanocarpa) - This berry is more commonly known as “Chokeberry” - a name that isn’t very marketable (thus “Aroniaberry”). A deciduous shrub from the wet woodlands and swamps of the American east, aronia berries have the highest concentrations of anthocyanins and proanthocyanidins (which have powerful antioxidant properties) of any known plant. However, aroniaberries taste like ass: all of the unpleasantness of pure cranberries, with a sickly-sweet/overripe finish of rotting plums.


Açai (Euterpe oleracea) - Pronounced “a-sa-i”, this grape-sized drupe actually comes from a species of South and Central American palm. This fruit is high in dietary fiber, contains the sexy omega-6 fatty acid linoleic acid, and is high in anthocyanins and proanthocyanidins (antioxidants). The pleasant taste of açai is somewhere in between cranberry and blueberry, but less powerful.


Dragonfruit (Hylocereus polyrhizus and Hylocereus undatus) - Also known as “Pitahaya”, “Pitaya,” and “Strawberry Pear,” it is perhaps the most spectacular fruit ever. Native to Central and South America, these fruits are produced by epiphytic (tree-dwelling) vine-like cacti. The skin of the ripe fruit is a vibrant pink, with either a pink flesh (H. polyrhizus) or a white flesh (H. undatus) with thousands of tiny dark seeds suspended throughout. The gelatinous flesh has the consistency of soft melon and its mild taste is a combination of subdued kiwi and strawberry. This fruit is primed to become trendy, due to its exotic look, its edibility, and its kick-ass name.

Friends Don’t Let Friends Do Craft

Saturday, December 1st, 2007

My friend Jodi recently confessed that she went through an irrational and shameful ‘crafty’ phase a couple of years ago.

After seeing the photos, I agree.
She was right to consider it “shameful.”

Jodi, you are going to hell.

Oaktree Goatse

Saturday, December 1st, 2007

In the parking lot behind Walgreen’s, this tree was screaming to be goatse-d:

*For those of you who’ve been spared the heinous fury of goatse [work-safe Wikipedia link], it was a website (taken offline in 2004) with a front page image of a man doing something inspeakable to his own butt. This site was often used as a prank: send your friends a bogus link taking them to goatse, then wait for the gagging sounds. It has since become a legendary internet reference, which has inspired a large number of tributes and artworks [SSFW - Semi-Safe For Work].

*Also: a nice Flickr gallery of images of people’s expressions after seeing goatse for the first time.

*And . . . if you’re brave or a sicko, here is a goatse mirror [WARNING: NSFWLPOMTIWHY - Not Safe For Work, Lunch, or Peace of Mind, This Image Will Haunt You]

[UPDATE 12/2/07]: My sister had never seen goatse before; there is nothing quite as funny as the genuine look of horror on someone’s face after seeing it for the first time.

[Update 12/11/07]: My friend Jodi just saw goatse for the first time. This is the look of Jodi soiling herself in horror.