The time has come for toast, onions, and bacon to get the attention they deserve in children’s stories.

Mr. Toast

It’s like Hello Kitty with breakfast foods.

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(via Chris)

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Many of you out there in Internet-land have come to know and love the Pillsbury Doughboy. I know as a kid, I did, even if my mother would never buy me his Crescent rolls or Toaster Strudels.

But beyond the pastries and belly-poking, how much do you know about this strange dough figure? For instance, did you know his name is not actually the Pillsbury Doughboy, but rather, “Poppin’ Fresh“? And how many of you knew that did you know that he has a family– let alone one that includes a divorcée?

According to the Wikipedia page, which also details how Poppin’ was dreamt up, we see PF’s strange family, created as “action” figures by Sears in the 1970s:

• Poppin’ Fresh (a.ka. The Pillsbury Doughboy)
• Poppie Fresh (a.k.a. Mrs. Poppin’ Fresh / The Pillsbury Doughgirl / wife)
• Popper (son)
• Bun Bun (baby daughter)
• GrandPopper and GranMommer (grandparents)
• Shortcake (cat)
• Flapjack (dog)
• Rollie (uncle)
• Tim (Ex-Wife)

My question is this: Which one in the photo is Tim, the ex-wife? Or do we have on our hands another case of Wikivandalism?

[Update from Timbotron]:
I think this one is probably “Tim, the ex-wife.” She’s got the best muffins.

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In line at the grocery store, I’m staring off into space and then my eyes catch the cover of Cosmopolitan Magazine. In particular, the large purple hyphenated word “Va-jay-jay.” The full title is “Your Va-jay-jay: Fascinating New Facts About Your Lovely Lady Parts.”

Va-jay-jay!?!

Is this some tragic pseudo-urban hipster moniker for “vagina”!?!
Is this what the kids are calling it these days?!?
What about “Vagizzle,” “V-to-the-gina,” or “V. Diddy“?


And I suspect it is the answer to several other topics on the cover:

5 Things Never to Tell Your Guy
All 5 involve using the word Va-jay-jay to refer to your vagina.

Sex He Has Alone
You know why? Because you call it a Va-jay-jay and that’s weird and so he’s in the bathroom thinking about your sister instead of your Va-jay-jay!

Why Guys Cheat
Because they want to sleep with a woman who doesn’t call it a Va-jay-jay!


[Va-jay-jay update]: According to reader Isabel, this sounds-better-than-’cooter’ term for vagina has been around for some time (and I just don’t watch enough television), having appeared on ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ and even ‘Oprah’ (the perfect venue for promoting lame terms like this). Frankly, the word ‘Oprah‘ sounds like a better term for vagina than ‘Va-jay-jay.’
“This tight underwear makes my Oprah itch!”

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[co-authored by Timbotron and Allison]

Last weekend, Blogadilla co-author Allison and I went to see the Coen Brothers’ film “No Country for Old Men”.

There are two major points we’d like to express:
1). Good movie.
2). The ending was the biggest load of sh!t ever!!!

We don’t want to give away the ending but . . .
THERE WAS NO F&#ING ENDING!!.

[Allison]:
“Can’t stop what’s comin.”
THEN LET IT COME ALREADY, B!TCH.
I PAID $10.50 TO SEE THIS MOVIE AND I WANT AN ENDING!
Don’t get me wrong, I loved it. Up until the end.

Here are our proposals for an ending for “No Country for Old Men”:
•The “Wonka” ending: Sherriff Bell hunts down Chigurh and tells him that he’s retiring and wants to give Chigurh the entire Chocolate Factory.

•Coen Bros. meets Tarantino ending: Chigurh limps away after the car crash and mistakenly walks into Zed’s pawn shop where Zed calls Tommy Lee Jones and says “looks like the spider caught a fly…”

•The Sarah Connor ending: In the final battle, Sherriff Bell discovers that Chigurh is a robot from the future sent to the past to stop the ending of the movie from ever really happening.

•The Skywalker ending: Sherriff Bell corners Chigurh and tells him the truth, “I don’t want to kill you. I just wanted to meet you . . . Son.” And a sobbing Chigurh and Bell embrace one another . . .

•The Tyler Durden: Sheriff Bell pursues Chigurh but can’t seem to find him, and over the phone Bell’s girlfriend Marla calls him “Chigurh,” and that’s when he realizes that he is . . .

Pet hypotheses for why the ending sucked:
•Ran out of film (Ethan Coen squandered a whole roll on interesting looking clouds).

•Soon after conjoined twins Joel and Ethan Coen were surgically separated (near the end of the filming of this movie), they decided that they couldn’t work together anymore.

•Cameraman died.

•The editor accidentally lost the last 10 minutes during a Robitussin binge.

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This month, I’m throwing funk into the mashup mix, with Herbie Hancock’s “Chameleon” as the backdrop for yet another Jay-Z A Capella, “Girls, Girls, Girls.”

Check out “Herbie, Herbie, Herbie” — click the image below to listen to the track.

Herbie, Herbie, Herbie - Mashup by Johnny Haze, 2008

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Check out someecards.com if you haven’t already.

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…but is it a true story? My Spidey Senses say (and a decent amount of Googling after the fact suggests) no. Nevertheless, Craziest is an entertaining way to spend 8 and a half minutes… if you’re into Scrabble, that is.

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Nothing says “healthy meal” like a free salad at Pizza Hut.

“One serving” is defined as what can fit in your salad bowl.

This definition leaves a lot of room for interpretation.

Sir Hoe’s “How to Eat Cheap Pizza Hut Salad.”

(via Susan)

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I usually could give a flying F$%# about celebrities.
Other than making fun of them.
Go Fug Yourself has a great drunken Lindsay Lohan and Sharon Stone dialogue - this is some brilliant comedy writing.

(via Susan)

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Thought Valentine’s Day is over, it’s not too late to give that special someone Gonorrhea.

Giant Microbes offers an extensive line of colorful plush microbes:

The Common Cold (Rhinovirus sp.)
Strep Throat (Streptococcus sp.)
Chlamydia (Chlamydia trachomatis)
Black Plague (Yersinia pestis)
Gonorrhea (Neisseria gonorrheae)
Herpes (Herpes Simplex Virus 2)
Syphilis (Treponema pallidum)
Ebola (Ebola)
Sleeping Sickness (Trypanosoma brucei)
Typhoid Fever (Salmonella typhi)
E. coli (Escherichia coli)
Lyme Disease (Borrelia burgdorferi)
Penicillin Mold (Penicillium chrysogenum)
T4 Bacteriophage Virus
Martian Life (fossil from Mars Rock ALH 84001) [coolness]
Staph Infection (Staphylococcus aureus)
Toxic Mold (Stachybotrys chartarum)
Giardia (Giardia lamblia)
Hepatitis C (Hepatitis C Virus, HCV)
Malaria (Plasmodium falciparum)

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I think I’m in love.

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The Elite Feet gallery of things eaten by trees:

[Update from Heywood]: Check out a whole gallery of stuff eaten by trees, here. Thanks to Markos for the link!

(via Susan, via John)

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[Given that it is now the Chinese Year of the Rat, I thought this appropriate.]

A Rat King is not the King of Rats, despite what certain dippy ballets and Dungeons & Dragons geeks would have you think. A Rat King is a mythological creature composed of a mass of rats, stuck together by knotted and intertwined tails. This phenomenon is said to occur when rats nest together in large numbers and their tails somehow naturally tangle together. They are reported to move about as a single entity, running amock and scaring the sh!t out of everyone. This phenomenon/myth appears to be of European origin and the oldest report of a Rat King may date to 1564.

For examples of preserved (hoax) Rat Kings: Linkety - Link - Link

Perhaps only worse than a Rat King is the dreaded squawking Chihuahua King.

(via Susan)

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“[It] is chemistry – or biology – it has nothing to do with hearts and flowers and the like. We are all, in our own way, completely and totally alone. If love is real, it is a complete and total failing of the intellect. It is utter self-destruction. It is pandemonium.”

- Joe Meno in “The Boy Detective Fails“

Happy F%#ing Valentine’s Day

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February is Black History Month and February 18th is Presidents Day. Both of which have sucky decorations: no fancy trees, no decent costumes, no color schemes, and no lame candy.

Example: my friend Jodi recently presented me with a “Lincoln Pop.”
He turns your tongue black and tastes like a copper penny.

If you lick him long enough, he turns into “Angry Zombie Lincoln.”

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You gotta respect a sport that involves high explosives:

(via Heather)

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[Note: Though this story has all the sound and smell of an urban legend, I can attest that it is completely true: this story happened to me and the wedding photos are mine.]

The wedding photographer went rogue and did unrequested art experiments on my wedding photos: he made all of the photos glowing white and blue. Everything looked sickly and bright, like our wedding took place near aboveground nuclear testing.

Trying to be polite, I requested several reprints that captured the actual colors of the event and that didn’t look like we were arc welding. I also requested a disc of all of the raw digital photos, in the event he decided to f*% up the reprints as well.

Weeks later I get the disc and only about half the photos are on it. And the disc contained extra photos: The last 60 photos on the disc were of a young woman. Naked. And she was not at the wedding. And the photographer was in some of these photos, too. He was also naked. And in several of the photos, his *&^%$ was in her *@#$%.

And though the marriage ended in sorrow and I don’t care what color the photos are anymore, this is still a good story and it needed to be posted for the sake of posterity.

These are actual photos (edited).

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[This is a guest post by my friend Steve]:

Not the best way to start your day if you’re feeling blue …

Malt-O-Meal manufactures generic cereal foods such as Honey Buzzers, which are essentially a knock-off of Honeycombs. I could not help but notice the ‘expressions’ on my Honey Buzzers’ faces. It is as if the Honey Buzzers knew the fate that lay before them: imminent destruction and prompt digestion.

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I just got back from 36 hours in New York.
Even caught up with Blogadilla co-founder, Heywood.
Saw as much as humanly possible in 36 hours.
Here’s the high-speed recap:

On a Related Note:
Here’s a cool “happening” at New York’s Grand Central Station:

(via Heather)


On Another Related Note:
A notorious artifact of New York: the “We Are Happy to Serve You” coffee cup. This paper cup is/was universal throughout the vendors and cafés across New York City, and Solo Cups® has now created a ceramic mug that looks like their original. It’s New Yorktacular.

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