What you will need:
• 1 can Dr. Pepper or a trashy Dr. Pepper clone.
• 4 pork chops (boneless or with bone)
• black pepper
• red pepper (leftover packet from pizza delivery is fine)
• 1 cigarette (not menthol)
• skillet
• cooking oil
• tongs or spatula or stick
• stove
• kitchen

Step 1: Put a little oil in the skillet, put the skillet on stovetop, turn stove on to medium setting. Place the 4 porkchops onto the skillet.

Step 2: Pour (or spit) about a mouthful of Dr. Pepper onto the porkchops when they begin sizzling. Dump Pizza Hut packet of red pepper onto the sizzling porkchops. Pour the same amount of black pepper onto the porkchops.

Step 3: Turn porkchops when necessary. You want the Dr. Pepper to reduce (boil down) to a thick sticky syrup, what we will call a demi-glace (borrowing a fancypants French term to sound like we know what we’re doing). As the Dr. Pepper becomes thicker, the sugar in it will caramelize and stick to the pork chops – this is your goal. This may take some time.

Step 4: Smoke the cigarette while you watch the meat cook. When the porkchops are cooked, cut off the fatty ends or fatty edges of the meat and leave them in the pan. Remove the porkchops, leave the fat in the pan.

Step 5: Pour the remainder of the Dr. Pepper into the pan with the fatty ends of the porkchops. Let them fry/boil until the remaining Dr. Pepper becomes thick. Remove the fatty chunks (and feed them to the dog), pour the Dr. Pepper sauce onto the pork chops.

Step 6: Eat in a trailer home.

Serving suggestion: On a bed of Cheetos, with lemonade or beer as a libation.

Tags: food, how-to, infinite coolness
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