The ‘Montauk Monster’ – I Can Haz Stupid
August 8th, 2008 by timbotron
For those of you who haven’t been following this travesty of human intellect:
Last month, people find a dead animal on the beach near Montauk, New York. A local newspaper associates it with the nearby Plum Island Animal Disease Center and Mutant Production Facility, and people are still going apesh!t. There are a bazillion half-cocked theories: it’s a pig, it’s a capybara, it’s an escaped experimental mutant, it’s a hoax – with forums, rubber sculptures of it, and even a website dedicated to photo mash-ups of it.
Conclusions by the Blogadilla Wild Animal and Mutant Research Laboratories:
• It was found on a beach, and had been exposed to the Sun and seawater for an undetermined amount of time. These conditions can cause desiccation (drying out, mummification), bloating, and hair loss (this regularly happens to dead mice at my sister’s farm).
• Eyewitnesses report it is about the size of a cat. It is not a huge animal.
• The dentition (teeth) and skull are NOT consistent with a cat, and if the Newsday ‘2nd photo’ is genuine – its genitals are not consistent with a cat. Though it appears to be male.
• The dentition, skull, genitals, size, and general appearance COULD BE consistent with a dog. Remember, dogs vary greatly (think Pug and Greyhound).
• The dentition, skull, paws, size, and general appearance COULD BE consistent with a raccoon. According to The Independent, the town Natural Resources Director Larry Penny, and Bandit Trappings and Pest Control’s Doug Johnston identified it as a raccoon.
(via Susan, via Wonkette, via Gawker, via The Independent)
