If a portmanteau is a combination of two words, then chess-boxing is a sportmanteau.
You heard me right: this sport is a combination of chess and boxing. Started by the Hip-Hop Chess Federation (RZA from the Wu-Tang Clan is apparently a huge chess buff), competitors alternate in the ring between three-minute boxing rounds and four-minute rounds of speed chess. Between rounds, competitors only get a one-minute break to take off and put on gloves, and to ponder strategies with coaches. Ultimately, a winner is determined by knockout, checkmate, or referee decision. It’s hard to believe, but elite chessboxers claim the hardest part of the sport is not taking a beating in the boxing component, but rather, coming down from the adrenaline of boxing to be able to thoughtfully play chess. Check out the Time Magazine article on the sport.
You walk in and catch the last words of some story, way out of context, and it just sounds bad.
Best ‘Out of Context’ phrases to disturb people who have just joined the conversation:
• And that’s why you should never eat movie theater hot dogs.
• Because it was technically ‘art,’ they had to drop the charges.
• So they named the medical condition after me.
• And that’s why I am no longer welcome in Turkey.
• So I’ve been out of prison for 2 years and I still like to do it.
• And thus they denied my patent for the ‘toddler thong’.
• And that’s why my uncle has only one testicle.
• Of course we had to sell the donkey before we left Tijuana.
• And so my childhood best friend will soon be my step-son.
• Because I didn’t know that the restraining order applied to the entire cemetery.
• So we were disqualified from the Iditarod because they weren’t technically dogs.
• And I still have it in a jar of formaldehyde in my closet.
• And the residents of Nukumanu Island still regard me as a god.
• Because she was my second cousin, the State of Arkansas had no case against us.
• And we knew it was poop and did it anyway!
• Because ‘Baby Fighting’ is technically legal in Guatemala.
• And now the security at Disneyland has the right to shoot me on sight.
• Because we thought ‘Nursing School’ meant something totally different.
• And until they can prove that they’re my children, they’ll have to stay in Laos.
Meaning “Goat Sucker” in Spanish, the Chupacabra is a mysterious creature that haunts the American Southwest, Central America, and the Caribbean; according to reports, it has a penchant for drinking the blood of livestock.
Last week the town of Cuero, Texas got yet another “Chupacabra” visitation (Scientific American link):
Last year, Cuero resident Phylis Canion found a dead “Chupacabra” on her property [below left] - DNA testing of this specimen at UC Davis identified the maternal DNA of a Coyote (Canis latrans) and the paternal DNA of a Mexican Grey Wolf (Canis lupus baieyi), but the grey hairless appearance of the creature cannot be easily explained by either lineage (KVUE News link).
(left photo: Associated Press)
Blogadilla Mutant Research Facility Results:
The above two examples of “Chupacabra” look remarkably like a native Mexican breed of dog known as the Xoloitzcuintli (sho-lo-eetz-kwin-tlee) [above right]. This Precolombian Mesoamerican breed (known by the Aztecs and ancient Maya) is medium sized, most often hairless, and with skin ranging from pink to blue-grey to black. This breed still exists in northern Mexico and the American Southwest.
A feral population around the town of Cuero, Texas could have easily interbred with other wild canids - such as Coyotes and Mexican Grey Wolves - to produce these ugly Xoloitzcuintli mixes. The short front legs of the top example can be explained by any number of natural processes such as inbreeding, hybridization, natural variation, or poor interpretation of the video footage.
The Second Great Mystery of Cuero, Texas: This guy’s haircut.
The UK’s Guardian Blog has put together a hilarious LOLBush compilation based around our commander in chief’s exploits at the Olympics. A personal favorite:
TPMtv has put together a great compilation of John McCain’s gaffes, awkward pauses, crappy catch phrases and foreign policy misunderstandings, highlighting what Fox News Managing Editor Brit Hume calls Mccain’s “senior moments.” Is this man fit to lead?
(Take particularly note of McCain’s reference to Vladimir Putin, President of Germany — First off, it’s Russia, not Germany, and he’s no longer the president- he’s now the Prime Minister! And also, Czechoslovakia hasn’t been a country for more than 15 years!)
Snoop Dogg performs and sings in the upcoming Bollywood comedy-romance-musical “Singh is Kinng,” featuring Bollywood star Akshay Kumar. Snoop Dogg provides vocals in the already popular title track. BBC News link
The official “Singh is Kinng” music video featuring Snoop Dogg:
And Natalie Portman stars in Devendra Banhart’s Classical Indian Cinema based music video “Carmensita” (apparently Portman and Banhart are dating).
The Deep Impact/EPOXI probe took rare video footage (May 28-29) of the Moon transiting (passing in front of) the Earth. From 31 million miles, we look pretty small.
The Olympics began in 776 BC in Olympia, Greece - a celebration when rival states would temporarily drop their disputes and come together to compete in the name of sportsmanship . . . and heinous profiteering and media monopolies.
I would like to continue by saying: “Both NBC and China can suck my b**ls!”
The above feelings can be best explained by the following sequence of events that happened yesterday:
• I was busy and missed the Olympic Opening Ceremonies and I expected to find video clips online.
• I do a Google search for “Olympic opening ceremony video,” and find this article on AFP.
• Attempt 1: I’m a sport and so I go to the NBC Olympics Website and search for “opening ceremony” and find a list of videos . . . but first I have to download the new Microsoft Silver Bullsh!t Viewer to watch the videos.
• Attempt 2: This NBC video is called ‘Opening Ceremony.’ Nope, wait, it’s just a video of 2004 Olympians being self-congratulatory about how awesome it is to be in the Olympics.
• Attempt 3: This NBC video is called ‘Opening Ceremony Approaches’ . . . nope, this isn’t it either.
• Attempt 4: This NBC video is called ‘Opening Ceremony’ . . . oh wait, this is just some lame sketch done by an antidote for funny named ‘Matty Blake’ (a grown man goes by ‘Matty’?!?).
• NBCOlympics.com doesn’t even have the opening ceremony on their website (or they’ve hidden it)!!
• I search YouTube: the clips have been ‘removed due to copyright violation.’
• I finally find video of the Opening Ceremonies on Newsradio 1290 WJNO - they posted these clips of the opening ceremonies. I love you![update: 8/10/08 - these videos have now been taken down due to 'copyright violation'. The Huffington Post has video footage of the opening ceremonies from a Dutch news television station]
Dear China and NBC,
You managed to sell and buy something (for 900 million dollars) that should not be sellable and should be available to the world. Neither of you own the internet. And many people are doing what they can to make the Olympics what it is supposed to be: something for humanity to share (not own).
You d!cks.
For the record:
I will not watch any Olympic footage on NBC. I will be watching footage from ‘alternative’ online sources for the duration of the Olympics. And as a consumer, I will be avoiding all companies that advertise on NBC’s Olympics broadcasts.
Suck my b**ls.
Love,
Tim.
And in the spirit of my newfound despise for NBC’s policy about Olympic footage, here is an exclusive video clip of the Olympic Opening Ceremonies, via NowPublic.com:
Curious about all the fuss people are making about CERN’s Large Hadron Collider? Fear that it will rip the fabric of space, where time becomes a loop? Just love to jam? Either way, science has never been cooler.
