I’m usually not into recycling content from posts we’ve previously done, but this was a great list my sister and I made last year around Halloween and it’s worthy of a replay:

REASONS WHY IT WOULD SUCK TO BE A ZOMBIE:
• People mistake you for Steve Buscemi.
• Dandruff shampoo doesn’t control your flaky scalp anymore.
• You smell a little like beef jerkey.
• Smartass friends keep calling you “Beetlejuice.”
• Dogs run off with your fingers and toes and bury them.
• Moaning: People always hang-up on you thinking it’s an obscene phonecall.
• You don’t have to worry about catching a cold, you have to worry about catching ants.
• Everyone asks you if you can dance like that “Thriller” video.
• All bad smells get blamed on you.
• EYE COLOR: RED on your driver’s license.
• Just because you’re undead doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt when kids throw lawn darts at you.
• Every Halloween, some half-naked ‘naughty nurse’ still manages to win the costume contest instead of you.
• BRAINS never shows up on the Dollar Value Menu at McDonald’s.
• Formaldehyde is expensive, but mouthwash doesn’t quite cut it anymore.
• Dicks with torches and chainsaws.
• Half the people you meet think your name is “Uuuuuuuhhhhh.”
• Your health insurance rates suck.
• You can only get dates with necrophiliacs and goth chicks.
• Mad Cow Disease: Fresh brains are harder to come by these days.
• Neighbor kids keep pestering you to be their entry in the Junior High Science Fair.
• Lysol doesn’t get rid of maggots.
• The I.R.S. doesn’t consider “cannibalistic undead” as “self employed.”
• Friends only invite you over when they’re throwing a Halloween party.
• Cruel pranks: When you pass out at a friend’s party and wake up in the morgue.

Tags: funny as hell, jackassery, zombies
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