A nice David Blaine street magic spoof (and proof that he hides cards in people’s asses).

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My sister buys a home and has a party.
I buy her a glow-in-the-dark Ouija Board as a housewarming present (useful around the home, no?).
It went something like this:

(Scene: Seven drunk people in the darkened empty livingroom of an old farmhouse, around 12:00AM.)

Us: “Oh great Ouija, can you hear us?”

Ouija: “YES”

Us: “Oh great Ouija, who are we speaking to?

Ouija: “YES”

Us: “Ouija, what is Jacob’s mother’s middle name?”

Ouija: “M-J-A-Z-A-Z-8″

Us: “Ouija, is there anything you want to tell us?”

Ouija: “YES”

Us: “What do you want to tell us?”

Ouija: “J-R-I-3-I-4-C”

(End scene)

Some observations:
• Ouija Boards often communicate with the living through license plate numbers.
• Some Ouija Boards might need “calibration” - though I’m not sure how to do it.
• If you’re drunk, perhaps Ouija Boards can be drunk too. Or deaf.
• When returning a Ouija Board to Toys-R-Us, don’t tell them that you think it’s defective and you’d like to exchange it for one with “stronger spiritual powers.”

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It’s Lovely, I’ll Take It!

“A collection of poorly chosen photos from real estate listings. With love.”

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Pro Wrestling + Japanese Monsters = Kaiju Big Battel!.

They make me so wish I lived on the east coast.

video link

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Modern Drunkard’s “The Secret Language of Cocktails,” by Mike Richardson-Bryan:

• Margarita - “All of your relationships have either begun or ended at a wet t-shirt contest.”

• Jägerbomb - “High school was the best six years of your life.”

• Old Fashioned - “Every significant event in your life has taken place on either a porch or a patio.”

• Mimosa - “There’s a song in your heart and diet pills in your purse.”

Alcoholic Bonus Round:
The Nancy Drew (from 30 Rock, video clip)
• white rum
• diet ginger ale
• splash of lime

The Suzanne Sugarbaker (from Designing Women, via Susan)
• bourbon
• diet cream soda
• crushed ice

The Rum Cannonball (from The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou)
• white rum
• gin
• orange juice
• pineapple juice
• lemon-lime soda
• strawberry soda

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• Besserwisser - (beh•sur•vi•sur) From German, meaning “knowing better,” a person who thinks he or she has greater general knowledge than others; often correcting grammatical mistakes or errors in trivial facts.

• Indigo Children - The New Age belief that certain children (usually born after the late 1970’s) represent a more advanced state of evolution. These children are reported to have greater psychic and mental abilities and are reported to have indigo colored auras.

• Nutraceuticals - (nu•tra•su•ti•culs) Foods and beverages that claim to enhance appearance, revive mental acuity, and increase resistance to disease.

• Nomophobia - (no•mo•fo•bi•uh) The fear of being out of mobile phone contact or mobile phone signal range.

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Beetlejuice + Hair Gel = the Joker

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The Dark Knight

Chrithtian Bale: okay.
Gyllenhaal: casting mistake.
Ledger: OUTSTANDING!

THE BEST Batman film.
It actually had a plot.
Two and a half hours.

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Earlier this month, Iran tested four three missiles to publicly demonstrate its military capabilities mediocre Photoshop skillz.

(images from New York Times Blog)

“Death to Infidels” Bonus Round:

(courtesy of Gorilla Sushi. Thanks Jason!)

(via New York Times Blog, via Zimbio, via Gorilla Sushi)

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Now that everyone on the planet has gagged watching “2 Girls 1 Cup,” it’s time for something new and vulgar to trick your friends into watching.

Behold the next gross thing: CakeFarts (NSFW!!!)

Everybody likes cake.
And most people think farts are funny.
And naked ladies are awesome.
But nobody wants to see these three things combined.

(via Eva)

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(photos from Press Enterprise and L.A. Times)

21-year-old Grace Hilario was recently lost for a day in the San Bernardino Mountains of southern California. Among other things, “[s]he said she worried about bears but saw only squirrels and what she described as a monkey, walking and then running through the trees.”

42-year old Moe the chimp had gone missing from a nearby Devore, California wild animal facility earlier this month.

Will we ever learn of the forbidden love they shared in the wilderness?
And who won the smile contest?

(via Susan, L.A. Times, via Press Enterprise)

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Ted Kuik’s Pretty Face Sketches.
For several years, Ted has sketched (and posted) a pretty face nearly every day.

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The name says it all: Weirdo Toys

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When I lived in Europe, television was filled with ads for ringtones and phone wallpapers. The majority of the ringtones were all lame/vulgar noises and the wallpapers were as campy as it gets.

Thus, I was inspired to create the World’s Most Awesome-est Ringtones and the World’s Most Awesome-est Phone Wallpapers.

Download and enjoy.

click on image for phone-sized downloadable version

 

 World's Awesome-est Ringtone: Play Now | Play in Popup

 

 World's Awesome-est [Pulse] Ringtone: Play Now | Play in Popup

World’s Most Awesome-est Ringtone (mp3 download)
World’s Most Awesome-est [Pulse] Ringtone (mp3 download)

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Some tasty new wallpapers of interesting ice creams I’ve recently eaten.

Click on the thumbnail for the full-sized downloadable wallpaper.

Helados México “Pastel de Fresa” (Strawberry Shortcake) flavored popsicle.

Helados México “Chicle” (Bubblegum) flavored popsicle.

Lucerne “Birthday Cake” ice cream in a pink Rainbow Cone.

Philly Swirl “Cotton Candy” flavored Swirl Stix Popsicle.

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The mundane can often be the greatest source of tranquility.

By the Neistat Bros (pronounced nai•stät)

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Jewelry by Black Sheep and Prodigal Sons.

(via Tokion Magazine)

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Cracked.com’s list of 25 Most Baffling Toys from Around the World.

(via Crocodile Skin and Alligator Toes)

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New Media: helping me to complain to more people with less effort.

By: KommonKraft / CinnamonPants

(via Cindi)

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