Archive for the ‘Two Haiku Movie Reviews’ Category

Two Haiku Movie Review: Brüno

Monday, July 13th, 2009

Holy f&#*ing s#!t
This movie is outrageous
Brace yourself people

Bless America . . .
Homophobia exposed
Brüno For The Win

Bonus Round: Brüno on Meinspace

Two Haiku Movie Review: Transformers – Revenge of the Fallen

Wednesday, June 24th, 2009

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
transformers-fallen

Gruesome robot deaths!
And an hour-long ad for
the U.S. Army:

“An Army of One . . .
That Turns Into a Sports Car
and F*&%s-up Egypt.”



Movie Pluses:
• The boombox Transformer Soundwave is re-envisioned as a communications satellite.
• The gigantic Transformer Devastator (composed of seven smaller Transformers).
• An unnamed razor-thin Transformer (camouflage: it can’t be seen head-on).

Movie Minuses:
• The film is 150 minutes long.
• Shia LaBeouf doesn’t die.
• Megan Fox’s bad collagen and tanning salon choices.
• Although I’m a big supporter of robot violence, this isn’t a good film for young children.
• About an hour of the film is dedicated to the American Armed Forces and little else; awkward, bordering on annoying.

Two Haiku Movie Review: Big Man Japan (Dai-Nipponjin)

Monday, June 1st, 2009

Big Man Japan (limited U.S. release May 15, 2009).

big-man-japan

Mockumentary:
under-appreciated
Japanese giant.

Paid to fight monsters,
but he’s not paid all that well.
Two giant thumbs up.

big-man-japan-clips

Trailer:



Monster Island Bonus Round:
Pink Tentacle’s nice article on Edo-period monster paintings by Sawaki Suushi (1737).
japanese-monsters


Giant Octopus Bonus Round:
Kaiju Big Battel – monster fights coming to a city near you.

Two Haiku Movie Review: Terminator Salvation

Thursday, May 21st, 2009

Terminator Salvation

ternimator-salivation

Big explosions and
motorcycle robots!! Sweet!!
One-point-five thumbs up!

Good visuals and
mediocre plot. Nearly
Schwarzenegger free.

Totally Unrelated Note:
Hobo-Fighting Robots

Totally Related Note:
Terminator 2: Judgement Day Sweded edition

Two Haiku Movie Review: Star Trek

Saturday, May 9th, 2009

Star Trek (2009)
star-trek

Set phasers to RAD!
Star Trek made respectable.
Casting was perfect.

Personal favorite:
Karl Urban as “Bones” McCoy.
Best Star Trek ever.

Two Haiku Movie Review: Triple Threat

Saturday, December 27th, 2008

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button - Brad PittThe Curious Case of Benjamin Button - Cate Blanchett

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Great special effects;
Brad Pitt looked ninety years old.
But you’ll spend three hours.

Cate Blanchett is great,
Even as an old lady.
A strange but good film.

Frost/Nixon

Frost/Nixon

A blast from the past,
Nixon has a sweaty lip;
Worth your ten dollars

Entertaining flick.
Frost looks just like John Edwards
Check this movie out.

Valkyrie

Valkyrie

Explosions were cool;
Militaries are complex;
Hitler was a douche.

Cruise can’t speak German;
This movie put me to sleep;
Ultra depressing.

Two Haiku Movie Review: The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008)

Sunday, December 14th, 2008

The Day the Earth Stood Still

Keanu Reeves comes
to Earth and gets all preachy.
With a big robot.

It lacked the key phrase;
no Klaatu Barada Nikto.
But had a cool orb.