To those of you that haven’t heard, last week John McCain initiated another, somewhat questionable fundraising strategy. McCain sent all of his supporters a $1 bill in the mail along with almost laughable plea for money, asking the people he spams with falsehoods about his rival to “return this dollar with a hundred more of [their] own for a total contribution of $101.”

First of all, Yeah right– I’m keeping that dollar if you send it to me. Secondly, we here at Blogadilla feel that McCain is more deserving of a bill of a different amount:

(image components borrowed from via noveltywholesaler; thewashingtonnote)

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For one state in the dirty south, today is election day. This year I decided to get involved with rocking the vote and all that nonsense, and so I volunteered at a local voter rights organization. One of my duties involved calling registered voter to inform them of their voting location, and on my umpteenth call, I reached the voicemail of a 70s era pimp, named Rocky Knight. Here’s what pimps have to say on their voicemail:

 

 Rocky Knight - Blogadilla.com: Play Now | Play in Popup

You have reached the home of the Rocky Knight, the Rocky Knight is not available at this time. However, if you are close to the Rocky Knight, you know his cell phone number – use it at this time. Secondly, if you are calling to borrow money, to ask about money, or to look for money, don’t call the cell number. If you owe me money and wish to pay me my money, call the cell number. And, have a nice day!

I pity the fool…. who owes Rocky Knight money.

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When I lived in Europe, television was filled with ads for ringtones and phone wallpapers. The majority of the ringtones were all lame/vulgar noises and the wallpapers were as campy as it gets.

Thus, I was inspired to create the World’s Most Awesome-est Ringtones and the World’s Most Awesome-est Phone Wallpapers.

Download and enjoy.

click on image for phone-sized downloadable version

 

 World's Awesome-est Ringtone: Play Now | Play in Popup

 

 World's Awesome-est [Pulse] Ringtone: Play Now | Play in Popup

World’s Most Awesome-est Ringtone (mp3 download)
World’s Most Awesome-est [Pulse] Ringtone (mp3 download)

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Some tasty new wallpapers of interesting ice creams I’ve recently eaten.

Click on the thumbnail for the full-sized downloadable wallpaper.

Helados México “Pastel de Fresa” (Strawberry Shortcake) flavored popsicle.

Helados México “Chicle” (Bubblegum) flavored popsicle.

Lucerne “Birthday Cake” ice cream in a pink Rainbow Cone.

Philly Swirl “Cotton Candy” flavored Swirl Stix Popsicle.

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Heya folks - a new batch of Blogadilla ice cream wallpapers for you.

Click on the thumbnail for the full-sized downloadable wallpaper.

Lucerne “Birthday Cake” ice cream in a pink Rainbow Cone.

“Cotton Candy” flavored Swirl Stix popsicle (by Philly Swirl ).

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Though China has five Olympic mascots (”The Fuwa”), several others never made it past the drawing board.

A Blogadilla exclusive: rejected Chinese Olympic mascots.

Maomao - Lil’ Mao Zedong.

Melmel - The Melamine Cat.

I take pleasure in knowing that I’d be shot for doing this if I lived in China.

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Summer and the sweltering heat are here. Below are some updated fancy new ice cream wallpapers I’ve made, to get all of you in the Summer mood.

Click on the images for downloadable wallpapers of each.

Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk, Santa Cruz, CA.
Vanilla soft-serve with blue cotton candy swirl.

Dreyer*s “Take the Cake” ice cream (yellow cake flavored ice cream with blue frosting swirl and colored sprinkles). Safeway “Rainbow Cone” green ice cream cone.

Foster’s Freeze, Menlo Park, CA.
Grape (wax?) dipped soft-serve vanilla.

Baskin & Robbins, Menlo Park, CA.
“Rock’n Pop Swirl” (grape and green apple sherbet with Pop Rocks mixed in) on top of Cotton Candy ice cream.

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In a gas station today.
The candy bar doesn’t scan, so the cashier holds up the bar and, in a thick accent, calls to the other employee:

“Spunow is same price as Snickers?”

It took me and the other employee about a minute to get what she was talking about.

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It goes without saying that Wal*Mart can be the dumping ground for slightly off items.

I was in Wal*Mart today - searching unsuccessfully for red velvet Twinkies - and I come across this: a mustacheod Indiana Jones action figure. Perhaps it is just a mistake, or perhaps a rare limited edition reflecting a scene from the recent movie that only appears in the director’s cut. Either way, he looks like the lost member of the Village People or actor Sam Elliott. How much do you think an Indiana Jones with mustache would go for on eBay?

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(this application not recommended by safetytat.com)

Safetytat.com - Temporary child safety tattoos that have allergy or special needs info, and “if lost, please call ____” tattoos are also available. A brilliant idea that may save lives.

I decided to design Blogadilla’s very own “Adult Safety Tats” (and you can print your own with transfer tattoo paper).

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My serious lust for red velvet cupcakes has drawn me to these . . . behold the Red Velvet twinkie-type thingy! I hate to admit that I found them at Wal*Mart . . . mmm . . . redness . . .

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I recently started screwing-around with Papilio Temporary Tattoo paper. Making my own transfer tattoos with a desktop printer.

The first tattoo experiment: making a “Petunia” dancing girl tattoo, from The Adventures of Pete & Pete.

And Yes. I am fascinated with this 90’s Nickelodeon TV show.

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Throughout gradeschool and highschool, English teachers repeatedly stated that it was our civic duty as Americans to adore and admire the works of Mark Twain. Years later and I still hate him.

Here is a revised list of the many reasons why I think Mark Twain is a douche:

• Tom Sawyer Island and the Mark Twain Riverboat are the lamest rides at Disneyland.

• He gave his characters dippy names like Huckleberry and Pudd’nhead. No kid would have gone by the name Huckleberry - classmates would have called him Hucklefairy or Fuckleberry. And Pudd’nhead already sounds dirty.

• Mark Twain impersonators (”Twainies”) are the lowest strata of the nerd pecking order - even Star Trek geeks and Renaissance Faire nerds make fun of them and beat them up.

• He was overly fond of the word “Yankee,” and often used it as an obscene verb.

• Mark Twain and Colonel Sanders used to go to parties together dressed the same. They thought it would get them chicks.

• Both Ernest Hemingway and Jack London could have taken Twain in a fistfight.

• At a time when people were dying of cholera, the standards for humor were pretty low. Frog jumping contests and suckering someone into painting a fence = SO NOT FUNNY.

• There are dozens of public schools and parks named after Mark Twain, but there isn’t even a single parking lot named after Elmore Leonard.

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To the newer Blogadilla readers out there:

Yes, our favicon is indeed a naked woman with a donkey.

It was generated by democratic process nearly a year ago.

We’re the “Tijuana of the Internet” and we’re also pioneers in the world of miniature donkey shows - that’s how we roll.

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Over a decade ago, I was a substitute elementary school teacher (and later a full-time junior high Spanish teacher).

Scene: I’m in charge of a roomfull of 1st graders. A tiny boy walks up to my desk, hands me a piece of paper.

Me: What is this?

Tiny Boy: It’s a picture I drew . . . of you.

Me: What’s wrong with my teeth?!?

Tiny Boy: [laughing his head off] YOU HAVE ANTS IN YOUR TEETH!!!

End Scene

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This is the kind of stuff you dream up while waiting around in IKEA for 2 hours.
Enter your first name and it will create your Swedish furniture name.

Click on the link for a printable version.

(©2008 Blogadilla.com; assembled/generated by Steve B., designed by Tim)

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This week’s installment of the Jodi Cat Sh!t Art Project (the JCSAP):

“Ambush at Doody Gulch.”

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Over a decade ago, I was a substitute elementary school teacher (and later a full-time junior high Spanish teacher).

Scene: I’m in charge of a roomfull of first-graders for the entire day. A tiny girl comes up to my desk, big smile on her face, and she hands me a piece of construction paper.

Me: What is it?

Tiny Girl: It’s a picture for you.

Me: Who is it?

Tiny Girl: It’s your mom . . . AND SHE HAS NO HEAD!!!
[girl begins giggling uncontrollably]

Me: Ah. Thank You. It’s lovely. How did you know my mom looks just like this?

I kept it on my fridge for over a year.

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Instead of just 1 mashup this month, you instead get 7. That’s right, seven. I present to you The Shoot Back Mixtape - a collaboration with troublmedia.com.

Three police officers shot Sean Bell 50 times, killing him on the eve of his wedding night, and wounding his two passengers, later determining that all 3 men were unarmed. From the night of this social atrocity to the not guilty verdict 10 days ago, emotions have been fierce. Sadness. Anger. Frustration. Disgust. Fear.

Download The Shoot Back Mixtape, a collection of voices and speeches that convey the public discontent following the not guilty verdict awarded to the police officers who killed Bell. Or if you would rather stream the audio, check out The Shoot Back Muxtape.

Here’s the first track to whet your appetite. In the words of a protester speaking for Sean Bell: “It’s not about what you do today, but what you do tomorrow.”

 

 Not Guilty - Johnny Haze: Play Now | Play in Popup

(more…)

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