My serious lust for red velvet cupcakes has drawn me to these . . . behold the Red Velvet twinkie-type thingy! I hate to admit that I found them at Wal*Mart . . . mmm . . . redness . . .

Bookmark to:

I recently started screwing-around with Papilio Temporary Tattoo paper. Making my own transfer tattoos with a desktop printer.

The first tattoo experiment: making a “Petunia” dancing girl tattoo, from The Adventures of Pete & Pete.

And Yes. I am fascinated with this 90’s Nickelodeon TV show.

Bookmark to:

Throughout gradeschool and highschool, English teachers repeatedly stated that it was our civic duty as Americans to adore and admire the works of Mark Twain. Years later and I still hate him.

Here is a revised list of the many reasons why I think Mark Twain is a douche:

• Tom Sawyer Island and the Mark Twain Riverboat are the lamest rides at Disneyland.

• He gave his characters dippy names like Huckleberry and Pudd’nhead. No kid would have gone by the name Huckleberry - classmates would have called him Hucklefairy or Fuckleberry. And Pudd’nhead already sounds dirty.

• Mark Twain impersonators (”Twainies”) are the lowest strata of the nerd pecking order - even Star Trek geeks and Renaissance Faire nerds make fun of them and beat them up.

• He was overly fond of the word “Yankee,” and often used it as an obscene verb.

• Mark Twain and Colonel Sanders used to go to parties together dressed the same. They thought it would get them chicks.

• Both Ernest Hemingway and Jack London could have taken Twain in a fistfight.

• At a time when people were dying of cholera, the standards for humor were pretty low. Frog jumping contests and suckering someone into painting a fence = SO NOT FUNNY.

• There are dozens of public schools and parks named after Mark Twain, but there isn’t even a single parking lot named after Elmore Leonard.

Bookmark to:

To the newer Blogadilla readers out there:

Yes, our favicon is indeed a naked woman with a donkey.

It was generated by democratic process nearly a year ago.

We’re the “Tijuana of the Internet” and we’re also pioneers in the world of miniature donkey shows - that’s how we roll.

Bookmark to:

Over a decade ago, I was a substitute elementary school teacher (and later a full-time junior high Spanish teacher).

Scene: I’m in charge of a roomfull of 1st graders. A tiny boy walks up to my desk, hands me a piece of paper.

Me: What is this?

Tiny Boy: It’s a picture I drew . . . of you.

Me: What’s wrong with my teeth?!?

Tiny Boy: [laughing his head off] YOU HAVE ANTS IN YOUR TEETH!!!

End Scene

Bookmark to:

This is the kind of stuff you dream up while waiting around in IKEA for 2 hours.

Enter your first name and it will create your Swedish furniture name.

Click on the link for a printable version.

Bonus Round: The Blogadilla Action Hero Name Generator

(©2008 Blogadilla.com; assembled/generated by Steve B., designed by Tim)

Bookmark to:

This week’s installment of the Jodi Cat Sh!t Art Project (the JCSAP):

“Ambush at Doody Gulch.”

Bookmark to:

Over a decade ago, I was a substitute elementary school teacher (and later a full-time junior high Spanish teacher).

Scene: I’m in charge of a roomfull of first-graders for the entire day. A tiny girl comes up to my desk, big smile on her face, and she hands me a piece of construction paper.

Me: What is it?

Tiny Girl: It’s a picture for you.

Me: Who is it?

Tiny Girl: It’s your mom . . . AND SHE HAS NO HEAD!!!
[girl begins giggling uncontrollably]

Me: Ah. Thank You. It’s lovely. How did you know my mom looks just like this?

I kept it on my fridge for over a year.

Bookmark to:

Instead of just 1 mashup this month, you instead get 7. That’s right, seven. I present to you The Shoot Back Mixtape - a collaboration with troublmedia.com.

Three police officers shot Sean Bell 50 times, killing him on the eve of his wedding night, and wounding his two passengers, later determining that all 3 men were unarmed. From the night of this social atrocity to the not guilty verdict 10 days ago, emotions have been fierce. Sadness. Anger. Frustration. Disgust. Fear.

Download The Shoot Back Mixtape, a collection of voices and speeches that convey the public discontent following the not guilty verdict awarded to the police officers who killed Bell.

Here’s the first track to whet your appetite. In the words of a protester speaking for Sean Bell: “It’s not about what you do today, but what you do tomorrow.”

 

 Not Guilty - Johnny Haze: Play Now | Play in Popup

(more…)

Bookmark to:

©2008 Blogadilla.com

Shrouded in mystery, this drink comes from the exotic Japanese criminal underground - many died to discover the recipe.

The Ninja ingredients:
• 1 bottle blueberry (or grape) soda
• 2 shots Bacardi 151 Rum
• ice
• 1 highball glass
• a blender
• straw
• 1 ninja throwing star

Step 1: Blend ice, add one bottle blueberry (or grape) soda while blending.

Step 2: Add 2 shots Bacardi 151 Rum, garnish with ninja throwing star.

(Ninja. Get it? It’s strong and it sneaks up on you.)

Bookmark to:

©2008 Blogadilla.com

Blogadilla co-author Allison and I decided that we can make better “tiki bar” drinks than most Tiki Bar franchises. Here’s the first installment of what we’ve dubbed “The Boozadilla Project” - behold “Noah’s Ark”:

Noah’s Ark ingredients:
• 1 watermelon
• plastic animals
• 2 shots vodka
• 2 shots white rum
• 2 shots coconut rum
• 2 shots gin
Get it? “Noah’s Ark” - 2 of everything
• 2 shots fruity-flavored schnapps
• 2 shots lime juice
• 2 shots grenadine
• 1 cup pineapple juice
• 1 cup grape soda or strawberry soda
• 1 tray of ice cubes
• 1 sharp knife
• 1 large spoon
• 2-4 straws

Step 1: Cut the top of the watermelon into the ‘ark’ shape above, remove the inside of the watermelon with the large spoon. Cut windows into the side (near the top) of the watermelon, place animals in the windows.

Step 2: Pour all of the ingredients into the hollowed-out watermelon. Garnish with tiny umbrellas.

Serves 2 to 4 people.

And when you’re done drinking, the watermelon also makes a great helmet!

Bookmark to:

[Note: this is a post from Rebecca, but she's too busy shepherding right now and asked me to post it for her.]

A birthday party last weekend.
The bakery was closed, but the deli was open = meat birthday cake.
Some vegetarians were offended.
That made it funnier.

Make a wish and blow out the olives.

Bookmark to:

Over a decade ago I was a junior high teacher. Being the Spanish teacher, the students didn’t know me as “Mr. King,” but as “Señor Rey.”

Early in the school year I confiscated a note being passed around - it was a drawing of me with a gigantic forehead. I was losing my hair at the time and in Bruce Willis fashion my forehead was getting larger. The students laughed loudly when I saw the picture and I asked, “My forehead doesn’t really look like this, does it?!?” The students assured me of the cyclopean proportions of my forehead, and that indeed my head was shaped like a brick.

For the remainder of the school year, any time I would turn my back to the class, another Señor Rey forehead illustration would be slipped onto my desk. I made it clear that I thought it was funny, and the humor was always kept at a sane level, and at least they weren’t trashing my car.

Here is a gallery of a few of (the hundreds of) drawings I received throughout the school year:

(more…)

Bookmark to:

It’s here: the exciting conclusion to “Aliens (Sweded Edition)”!!

As you can see by the out-takes at the end, we had a blast filming this.

We hope you enjoy the show:

DailyMotion link
Google Video link
Yahoo! Video link

Update 4/21: We made the front page of SwededFilms.com!

Bookmark to:

Some friends and neighbors and I filmed this this weekend.
It was a blast.
Stay tuned for part 2.

DailyMotion link
Google Video link
Yahoo! Video link

Update 4/21: We made the front page of SwededFilms.com!

Bookmark to:

This week’s installment of the Jodi Cat-Sh!t Art Project (JCSAP): “Playing the Second Hole” (or “Stuck in a Sand Crap”).

Bookmark to:

When you can’t read the writing on the package, the product images become terrifying.

Bookmark to:

I saw this at an import grocery store today.

I had to buy it because the packaging mystified me: why the hell is this amorous couple on the package?!?
Will pumpernickel get you laid?
Is there something about pumpernickel that I should know?

Sexy pumpernickel moments:

Bookmark to:

So last week I turned 32. Looking at where I am at in my life and where I thought I’d be at 32, I feel pretty good–I’ve started my own business, traveled the world, already had a couple of interesting professions, I have good friends and a cool dog. I am however missing that special someone. I would have thought that at this age I would be getting serious about finding a life partner and have developed a refined list of desired qualities in a mate, such as shared interests, successful career, thoughtful and spiritual, great lover, etc. Instead, I have whittled my boyfriend requirements down to a pretty simple list of minimum standards. At this point my ideal date must be:

1. SINGLE (hard to believe, but I actually have to put this on the list)
2. Employed, making more than minimum wage (this is a tough one for me, but struggling artist/musician doesn’t count as employment)
3. Living in their own place (don’t have to own a house, just not be couch-surfing or living with their parents)
4. Born in the 70’s (although old dudes seem to dig me, I don’t dig them–Viagra or not)
5. The owner of a car (that runs)
6. Capable of basic hygiene and grooming (I don’t want someone I have to dress or who has flesh-eating bacteria)
7. Not the owner of a bong or a keg-erator (I’m flexible however on the keg-erator, they ARE handy for entertaining)
8. Straight (I’d consider openly bi-sexual, just not gay and in denial)

Looking back over the past 17 years or so of my love life I have to say that I have actually never been involved with someone who meets all of the above criteria. Sometimes I think it’s just me, but believe it or not I am kind of picky when it comes to men. And I’m kind of a catch. So, if you or someone you know fits the above criteria and lives within 30 minutes of Watsonville, CA, I’d be happy to hear from you! But at this point the next well-meaning person who asks me, “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?” is going to get punched in the mouth.

Bookmark to:

Dom DeLuise has his own line of seasonings.

Paul Newman has is own damn aisle in the grocery store.

And now Jeff Foxworthy has released his own line of beef jerky.

Saw it in the store and bought a bag. A note to the potential consumer: opening the bag smelled like a giant barbeque fart.

Suggestions for better marketing taglines for this product:
• Stale comedy premise, fresh beef jerky!
• A taste so great, you’ll beat your wife!
• If this is your dinner, you just might be a redneck.
• As seen on COPS!
• Red meat, red states, red necks.
• Free Skynyrd T-shirt offer inside.
• It’s like a trailer park in your mouth!
• Now another reason why you’ll see Jeff Foxworthy at a gas station!

Bookmark to: