When you’ve been traumatized by goatse [SFW], you’ll see it everywhere . . . even years later.

I saw this one last weekend:
Marini’s Munchies (Candy Store) on the Santa Cruz Municipal Wharf.

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As CollegeHumor.com says, “So what if it was their second date? She was the one!”

Ya gotta feel bad for this guy…but at least he got a free beer!

(From SteveB; via CollegeHumor.com)

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How Many Five Year Olds Could You Take in a Fight?

That’s right: all the years of wondering can finally be answered in one easy quiz. It’s good to know that those annoying yet wildly entertaining online quizzes haven’t gone anywhere!

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As the saying goes, “A picture is worth a thousand words.”

And those words are:
• Jerry Springer
• “Actually, this is our second child.”
• “Will the real Slim Shady please sit down?!”
• “We cut Sex-Ed class.”
• Future congressman of Arkansas.
• “We got a ‘3-for-the-price-of-2′ special on these photos.”
• 30-year-old grandma.
• “I look just like Demí.”
• “Let’s bring the baby to prom!”

From DIGG: The Best Yearbook Photo Ever.

(via Cindi)

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The Ruins

Why gringoes should not
wander into the jungle:
Red Mayan Death-Vine.

Super sicko deaths.
The four grossest ways to die.
Do not bring your kids.

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When you can’t read the writing on the package, the product images become terrifying.

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2006: As some of you may remember, Chevy trucks thought they’d create a cyber-hip-20-somethings ad campaign where you could make your own Chevy Tahoe commercial . . . and it backfired in a major way.

2008: BMW has decided to walk into the punch. Get a load of BMW’s cyber-virtual-interweb-hipster ad campaign for their new BMW 1 Series: draw on their car with Facebook Graffiti, for a chance to win mediocre prizes.

And the trolls have obliged.

I planned on submitting this fine Photoshop project below, until I discovered that you have to use stupid Facebook Graffiti to do all of your artwork. Dammit!

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That’s right folks….bacon and cheese flavored crickets. These are made by a company called HotLix, a specialty candy company that has an entire line of insect candies, such as Chocolate Insects, Real Scorpion Suckers, and Larvets. Any takers for a Tequila-flavored Worm Sucker?

Big shout out to Blogadilla reader billb, who sent us what is definitely our weirdest Bacon Product of the Week to date. Can any of you out there one up him? Keep posting your bacon finds in the comments!

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I saw this at an import grocery store today.

I had to buy it because the packaging mystified me: why the hell is this amorous couple on the package?!?
Will pumpernickel get you laid?
Is there something about pumpernickel that I should know?

Sexy pumpernickel moments:

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Earlier this month I wrote a post about the spectacular theme-blog Stuff White People Like. And, of course, given the amount of attention this site has received, it was only a matter of time until someone did a lame ripoff. That day has arrived: Stuff Christians Like. Holy sh!t. Literally.

There are a few items that have yet to make it to their list:

#97 - Having to take conventional things and make them ‘Christian,’ as if everything in the secular world is just too damn corrupt or dangerous or just not magical enough.

#99 - Incessantly talking about being Christian in a self-congratulatory manner, to the point of making unimaginative blogs about it.

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Dom DeLuise has his own line of seasonings.

Paul Newman has is own damn aisle in the grocery store.

And now Jeff Foxworthy has released his own line of beef jerky.

Saw it in the store and bought a bag. A note to the potential consumer: opening the bag smelled like a giant barbeque fart.

Suggestions for better marketing taglines for this product:
• Stale comedy premise, fresh beef jerky!
• A taste so great, you’ll beat your wife!
• If this is your dinner, you just might be a redneck.
• As seen on COPS!
• Red meat, red states, red necks.
• Free Skynyrd T-shirt offer inside.
• It’s like a trailer park in your mouth!
• Now another reason why you’ll see Jeff Foxworthy at a gas station!

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Once again, technology is put to good use: Atlanta bar owner Rufus Terrill has created the anti-vagabond “Bum Bot 2000.“

It has a 2,000,000 candlepower floodlight and a water cannon capable of 200 lbs of pressure. The object of this robot is to chase away vagrants, prostitutes, and pushers in his neighborhood. Many of Terrill’s targets are the “sort of people” drawn to a local emergency homeless shelter - he hopes to let them know they aren’t welcome to plague his public streets anymore. The camera feed on the Bum Bot 2000 is projected onto a big screen TV in Terrill’s bar, so patrons can watch prostitutes and hoboes get sprayed with water. This unstoppable security droid may have only one weakness, that hopefully the swarthy homeless will never discover: pushing it over.

Suggestions for a better name for this robot:
•Hobotron 2000
•The Roomba Wet T-Shirt Machine
•BumFighter X1
•Bigot-tron 4000
•The Hobo Soaker
•Go-Starve-Somewhere-Else-O-Matic
•The Hookernator
•Ho-Bot
•D!ckhead with a Watergun 9000

I want to invent “Drunkbot 3000″: it will regularly cover the floor of Terrill’s bar in vomit.

Linkety-link: L.A. Times

(via Susan)

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Over the past few years, most all companies have made the shift to the Internet, creating domain names and webpages to advertise their business and expand their reach.  Clearly, however, not all domain names are created equal, and as is the case with the following sites, not very much thought was put into the selection of their respective domain names:

1. A site called ‘Who Represents’ where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name… wait for it…whorepresents.com.
2. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at therapistfinder.com
3. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. Their website is cummingfirst.com
4. Need profesional art design fast?  Check out speedofart.com
5. And my personal favorite, an interactive brochure about beautiful Lake Tahoe resorts: gotahoe.com

Other unintentionally hilarious domain names  that at one time existed but unfortunately do not anymore (or the pages are under construction) included:

• Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at expertsexchange.com
• Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at penisland.net
• Then of course, there’s the Italian Power Generator company…powergenitalia.com
• And finally, the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales: molestationnursery.com

(Thanks Eliot; via NextWebGen)

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Jodi’s cat (named “Steve”) has taken to crapping on her kitchen floor. Because he’s a d!ck.

Inspired by the Sprinkle Brigade, Jodi has turned this into an art challenge. Today’s cat poop artwork is entitled “Cigar.”

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Just when I thought I’d seen everything, I saw this.  Is the guy really going to want to rock this tattoo when he’s 80?

(via Jeff)

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This is a little old, but I still love it:
The First Annual MySpace Stupid Haircut Awards.

(via i-am-bored.com)

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Blogadilla co-author Allison and I just got back from watching 10,000 BC. The following is an inventory of our comments driving home from the movie:

•”It’s sad when the best actor in a movie is a computer animated Wooly Mammoth.”

•”If they show this on an airplane, I’m jumping.”

•”This is what happens when you take drugs in a natural history museum.”

•”I’ve picked scabs that were more satisfying.”

•”It was a great comedy.”

•”Roland Emmerich peaked at Godzilla.”

•”10,000 BC - yeah, 10,000 Bad Choices.”

•”Why is it that everyone in 10,000 BC looked like Adam Duritz from Counting Crows?”

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There really are no words to describe this, except for the author’s comment on Flickr: “I can’t believe I took this picture.”

[Update from Heywood]: Proof that this photo isn’t photoshopped, my friend Dianna sent me a link to a video of this. Yuck!

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I was flipping through the channels today and just as I happened to pass over gymnastics, I saw this– Alyssa Brown of Canada during her floor routine at the 2008 American Cup tries something a bit too difficult for her and gets absolutely pwned!

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I have no idea what “Dong Dong Mao” means, but you know it’s going to be good when the description says:

“桃花朵朵开 peach blossom one after another.”

My personal hypothesis: this is a Chinese boy-band audition tape.

(via Susan)

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