Then again, maybe your day’s not that bad.

Have a happy holiday season, hopefully with some time outside the office.

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Pharming - The act of illicitly redirecting a website’s traffic to another bogus website.

Phishing - Attempting to acquire sensitive personal information through email communications by impostering as a trusted business or institution.

Phideo - Profitting from video sales and rentals by impostering as a known movie; like phishing, phideos prey upon the drunk and the elderly.

I Am Ωmega (2007) - Like I Am Legend (2007), but less of a rip-off of The Ωmega Man (1971).

Transmorphers (2007) - Like Transformers (2007), but dyslexic.

Alien vs. Hunter (2007) - Like Alien vs. Predator (2004), except filmed in a park and they could only afford one alien costume because they spent all their money on the acting wizardry of Michelle Pfeiffer’s sister.

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From the nation that brought you vending machines that sell schoolgirls’ underwear comes the perfect marriage of flash games, Victorian era fashion, slapfighting, and good old-fashioned misogyny.

Behold: Rose & Camellia

(via Memepool)

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If you haven’t seen “2 Girls 1 Cup” yet, I recommend that you don’t. Ever.

It’s goatse minus the charm and class.

It’s one of those things you just can’t un-see.

My friend Jodi and I made a sock puppet re-enactment of “2 Girls 1 Cup,” so you can get an idea of why your evil friends are telling you to watch it, but without actually having to sit through what may be the most disgusting thing on the internet ever.

Consider this video a warning:

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This one is true. Even though we all wish it wasn’t.

In Japan, there are vending machines that sell underwear. Schoolgirls’ underwear. Previously worn and unwashed schoolgirls’ underwear.
Yes - an entire industry of trading-in the day’s underwear for a new pair. And underwear sold with a photo of the underwearer can fetch a higher price. The almighty Snopes has a nice article on this subject, which they report to be true.

(more…)

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After seeing how far the Jenkem urban legend has gone, “Brown Bagging” is screaming to be launched into the communtications network of idiots to see where it will go (others must be warned of this grave danger - this is a gateway drug to things like “Two Girls, One Cup”):

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A friend sent me this yesterday, and I have to say, I almost threw up a little in my mouth while reading it. Apparently getting stoned and drinking isn’t enough for kids these days. They are resorting to other methods of catching a high: brewing sh!t. That’s right, raw sewage. Also known as Jenkem or ummm…butthash. Seriously, this is just downright wrong. Check it ›

(Thanks Pollock. I sorta hate you a little for exposing me to this.)

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[This is a guest post by my sister, Rebecca]:

Alternate Title: “Are You There God? It’s Me, Marketing“

It’s 4:00 AM and after an hour of tossing and turning with a nauseating abdominal cramp, you finally get out of bed and go in search of some Alleve; you stumble in the dark to the bathroom and paw around in the cabinet for a maxipad. You turn on the light and find your Always pads, open one up and as you go to remove the adhesive label covering the ‘wings’ you read:
“Have a happy period!”

Are you f#$king sh!tting me!?!

Touring the Always website, I get the impression that this is a genuine attempt to ‘get’ young women and to somehow empower them in their monthly trials. To encourage female bonding, they have a whole campaign dedicated to promoting enjoyable menstruation, with a list of acronyms like HAHP (Have A Happy Period), MLB (My Lady Business), and GAP (Got A Pad?) - lots of hip lingo for discussing your period without actually using the words “blood”, “tampon” or “excruciating pain.”

They have suggestions for pampering yourself and indulging - to abate your feelings of depression, ugliness, and discomfort. They offer a downloadable calendar for keeping track of your ‘Happy Parties’ - they recommend having a ‘Happy Party’ every month with piñata and pedicure themes. Not only can you play a menstruation crossword puzzle and make downloadable iron-ons, but there is also a lame hormonal roller-coaster game (with a maxipad as the car). Seriously.

I can’t help but believe that the marketing person responsible for this whole whacked concept learned everything they know about periods from reading “Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret.” Would a woman really come up with this bullsh!t?

I for one would really dig a feminine hygiene product campaign that cut the crap and had a sense of humor. I want to open a maxipad and have a fortune-cookie fortune on the label, something along these lines:

•“You will feel bloated, puffy and ugly today.”
•”Thank god, you’re not knocked up!”
•”Do not wear tight white clothing.”
•”Use that dull aching pain in your back as an excuse to be a bitch.”
•”Don’t bother shaving your legs.”
•”Yes, everyone CAN tell that you’re on the rag.”
•”Do not go camping in bear territory this week.”
•”You’re not getting lucky tonight.”
•”Go with the flow.”

They could even print t-shirts that say in big red writing, “I am bleeding. F**k off!” that you can wear to your “Happy Parties” where you serve Bloody Marys and blood orange cosmopolitans, and sit around and bitch about how much pain you’re in (and how men suck for not having to experience it). The possibilities are really endless and would probably win over the menstruating market in a heartbeat!

And, no . . . I was not on my f*&king period when I wrote this.

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My friend Jodi recently confessed that she went through an irrational and shameful ‘crafty’ phase a couple of years ago.

After seeing the photos, I agree.
She was right to consider it “shameful.”

Jodi, you are going to hell.

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In the parking lot behind Walgreen’s, this tree was screaming to be goatse-d:

*For those of you who’ve been spared the heinous fury of goatse [work-safe Wikipedia link], it was a website (taken offline in 2004) with a front page image of a man doing something inspeakable to his own butt. This site was often used as a prank: send your friends a bogus link taking them to goatse, then wait for the gagging sounds. It has since become a legendary internet reference, which has inspired a large number of tributes and artworks [SSFW - Semi-Safe For Work].

*Also: a nice Flickr gallery of images of people’s expressions after seeing goatse for the first time.

*And . . . if you’re brave or a sicko, here is a goatse mirror [WARNING: NSFWLPOMTIWHY - Not Safe For Work, Lunch, or Peace of Mind, This Image Will Haunt You]

[UPDATE 12/2/07]: My sister had never seen goatse before; there is nothing quite as funny as the genuine look of horror on someone’s face after seeing it for the first time.

[Update 12/11/07]: My friend Jodi just saw goatse for the first time. This is the look of Jodi soiling herself in horror.

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According to the AP, a South Korean man in Seoul was killed Wednesday by his cell phone, when the phone’s battery exploded in his shirt pocket. LG, the maker of the phone, claimed this was virtually impossible, but in light of other accidents, one has to wonder.

(via Liz; via CNN)

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I didn’t have to courage to go in there and meet Arreola in person, but I suspect she is tan and round and sensitive.

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Hey Americans . . . (and non-Americans subjected to this holiday) . . . HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!

To honor this great holiday we’re offering you, the reader, a fine downloadable “Hand Turkey” to print out and hang in your home . . .

If you’re more discriminating with your holiday art (because “Hand Turkeys” are pretty cliché): the “Foot Turkey”

And if you want cutting edge state-of-the-art Thanksgiving decorations . . .
Behold the patented Blogadilla “Ass Turkey”*

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I am once again a bachelor, and old habits die hard, and thus I was in an Army surplus store today - clothes shopping. I’m in my mid-thirties and still think Army surplus stuff is cool.

Three words: Army Surplus Underwear.

And no, they weren’t used/pre-worn. They were new.

If you think about it, this is the underwear of action heroes (though technically ‘commando style’ is probably the real underwear of action heroes) - underwear designed for heavy combat, secret recon missions, and ninjas.

A few thoughts about this underwear come to mind:
•In combat, this underwear may be worn for several days at a time (no, I don’t intend to test this).

•It is brown . . . for the sake of camouflage.

•This camouflage may serve a different purpose: absconding skidmarks.

•Did the military select this particular color of brown for its skidmark concealing abilities?

•Did the military actually run tests to determine this color to be optimal, and if so, how did they do it?

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Saw both of these today:

Nail’n Joy, Full Service - somehow it just sounds dirty.

“We need a catchy name . . . something that will make kids want to eat oatmeal, something quirky . . . “Apparently they didn’t see Indiana Jones: The Temple of Doom

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Have you had enough of college students wearing 3 polo shirts at the same time, each with its own massively popped collar?  Are you not convinced that pink is the new black?  Are you eager to rebel in fashion choice, but forced to be subtle?

If any or all of the above points pertain to you, or if you just want to laugh, check out ThreadPit’s “Tragically Hip” polo shirts…a hilarious choice for the “I’m-over-polo-shirts,-but-really-not”-type of guy:

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I had to buy paint a couple of days ago.

Is it just me (I saw a lot of Cheech and Chong movies as a kid) or do all of these paint colors sound like drugs?

[these are actual Benjamin Moore paint colors]:

Red Rock • Pink Fairy • Powder Pink • Warm Comfort • Pink Harmony • Cancun Sand • Mellow Yellow • Moonlight • Yellow Flash • Fresh Cut Grass • Aspen White • Stem Green • Lucky Charm Green • Paradise Green • Bud Green • Leisure Green • Amazon Moss • Hazy Blue • Egyptian Green • Crystal Clear • Bahama Green • Waterfall • Yukon Green • Fairy Tale Blue • Serenity • Icy Moon Drops • Turquoise Powder • Blue Angel • Caribbean Mist • Costa Rican Blue • Utah Sky • Windmill Wings • White Heaven • Polar White • Whisper Violet • Purple Lotus • Bunny Nose Pink • Crushed Velvet • Aztec Lily • Baby Dreams • Brown Horse • American White • Appalachian Brown • Smoke Gray • White Diamond • Black Tar • Lily White • Moonlight White • Cloud Nine • Spring Dust • Aztec Yellow • Sugar Cookie • Durango Dust

[If any of these, besides Black Tar, are indeed drug names, please let us know in the comments section below]

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From Swedish artist Emma Megitt, Pee and Poo (called Kiss and Bajs in Swedish) are perhaps the warmest, steamiest, freshest renditions of the world’s most popular bodily functions. Available on keychains, t-shirts, and underwear (if you don’t have Pee and Poo on your underwear already).

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Put them in this:

Need I say more?

(via Galyn, via Stylehive)

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Jamie ‘Buffalo Bill’ Gumb in “Silence of the Lambs” highlighted the evil of poodle lapdogs. And now they are even eviler - they come in pink.
Take a look at the video.

(via ABC news)

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