In an attempt to understand the northern European children’s icon “Pippi Longstocking” (Pippi Långstrump), I recently watched the 1969 film: Pippi Longstocking.

And also because I had suspected her of being the Wendy’s hamburger girl.

Aside from her disturbing habit of flashing her underpants at everyone in a manner akin to Sharon Stone, I was struck by the notion that she could be clinically defined as a “Feral Child,” or minimally a worst-case-scenario “Latchkey Kid.”
Below is the comparative study:

• Latchkey Kid: Left at home, unsupervised, for 3 or more hours a week.
• Feral Child: Has lived apart from human contact from a very young age.
• Pippi Longstocking: Her mother is “with the angels” and her absentee father is preoccupied with a career in open ocean piracy.


• Latchkey Kid: Nearly twice as likely to initiate high-risk behaviors and to develop substance abuse problems.
• Feral Child: Often unable to ever completely adapt to the normal social environment.
• Pippi Longstocking: Takes multiple (unprescribed) medications simultaneously, participates in high-risk behaviors such as lifting a horse over her head.

• Latchkey Kid: Statistically (10%) lower grades and test scores.
• Feral Child: Limited or no use of human language; in some cases, adopting the communication form of the animals who raised them.
• Pippi Longstocking: The ability to communicate with animals, no formal academic training (she cannot read or count properly), and the habit of creating her own words.


• Latchkey Kid: Has a statistically (19%) greater change of having behavioral disorders and depression.
• Feral Child: Has little or no experience with human social behavior and an impaired ability to learn these behaviors.
• Pippi Longstocking: Displays an inability to practice or understand behavioral norms, resulting in public disturbances, petty theft, hanging from light fixtures, and singing.


• Latchkey Kid: Greater ability for self-reliance with respect to everyday/household needs.
• Feral Child: Limited or no ability for grooming or self-care.
• Pippi Longstocking: Wears the same two dresses, bathes only her feet, limited hair grooming, and may suffer from lice.

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1982.
Steve Jobs at home.
“This was a very typical time. I was single. All you needed was a cup of tea, a light, and your stereo, you know, and that’s what I had.”
- Steve Jobs

Diana Walker: The Bigger Picture (comes in handy book form)

(via Digital Journalist, via SachsReport)

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- George W. Bush’s pre-Iraq war pep-talk to U.S. Generals
as recounted in General Ricardo S. Sanchez’s book, Wiser in Battle, seen on Countdown with Keith Olbermann

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[I just finished reading it (and yes, I know this book has been out a while)]:

By title alone, you are probably thinking one of two things:
a). “Cool! Zombie fiction!“
b). “Dear God . . . Zombie fiction?!?“

Here’s the catch: it’s not so much about zombies, it’s about how different societies would react to a global pandemic. However, the pandemic in this story happens to be the reanimated dead. And author Max Brooks didn’t get lazy about it either – he did his homework, he left no technical detail to chance. The only real fiction is the zombie part: no Deus ex machina, no laser guns invented to save humanity.

Topically, Brooks found a fascinating subject, flush with interesting questions:
“How would China or Canada react to a pandemic?”
“What is the best way to stop a pandemic from spreading across the globe?”
“What would happen to the average person when their town/city is overrun?”
“What would our government do?”
“How would we rebuild?”

Brooks also chose the perfect format for this type of story – the story is told through interviews (dozens and dozens of interviews) with different people around the world who were at significant events/moments during the spread of the disease and/or the subsequent war.

Bonus Round: It’s already on its way to being a feature film in 2010.

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The two coolest new travel spots for the traveler-in-the-know:

Visit the jewel of Eastern Europe – Molvanîa (“A land untouched by modern dentistry”).

. . . or head to the glamorous beaches of Phaic Tãn in exotic Southeast Asia.

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FirstShowing.net has a flash video of the alternate (and original) ending to “I Am Legend” (2007) (can also been seen on some versions of the DVD).

(via Garry)

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– Joe Meno in “The Boy Detective Fails“

Happy F%#ing Valentine’s Day

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‘How to Good-Bye Depression If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? of Effective Way?’

Hiroyuki Nishigaki has once again surpassed rational thought and cut straight to the point: clenching your anus 100 times a day is both an obvious and malarkey-free cure for depression. And Nishigaki’s rectal breakthroughs can’t be compromised by such petty things as coherent English or scientific evidence:

“In addition your sex energy will begin to become strong again by constricting anus 100 times and denting navel 100 times everyday following the life style of long lived British. But, you had better reduce the frequency of ** and of ## to less then half If possible. If you are less than 40 or 50 years old, you may become impatient and want to rape secretively. You will not be able to sleep thirsting for a young beautiful woman or man almost all night at the beginning.“

[But most of the long lived British I've met ** and ## like five times a day and still want to rape secretively.]

“When I meet the men or women who have bad complexion, have acrid, dreary or self-pity eyes, look older or take many liberties, I am apt to imagine that they have much old black solid excrement. Old black excrement is as solid as plastic.“
[I'm apt to imagine that about everyone. Every teacher I had in junior high: old black excrement. Every one of my neighbors: old black excrement.]

“If you have strengthen your liver, you can enjoy the same good feeling as that of light spring breeze, of a tree’s sprout or of an innocent adolescent.”
[At least one of these three is illegal.]

“Your gunshot of ** will become longer than that of your high school for 2 weeks after finishing 3 week fasting.“
[Longer than all of my highschool put-together? Couldn't this hurt someone and wouldn't it be more like a 'Bellagio Fountain Show' rather than a 'Gunshot' ?]

“You can understand that self-pity will happen to you when red energy of your heart can not do so because your heart is beaten by the stickiness of your dirty energy, of other dirty energy, of devils, of your complaints (about health, opposite sex, son or daughter, parents, money, work, or post), can’t you?“
[If one term could sum-up my life, it would be "dirty energy."]

And in Nishigaki’s own words, we have some good things to look forward to:

“Furthermore, Some people and I will found a club such as Anus 100 Club if possible.”
[Anus 100 Club, I am so there]

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I heard about Joe Meno’s “The Boy Detective Fails” from the blog of Jackson Publick [the co-creator of the oh so amazing "Venture Brothers"].

In simple terms: Great story.

In complex terms: Billy Argo was the boy detective – famous and unbeatable, the constant subject of newspaper headlines. He solved the mysteries of haunted candy factories and amusement parks.

Now in his thirties and living in a psychiatric halfway-home, Billy’s life is on the decline. Recent odd happenings force him to resurrect his childhood vocation: Who is making entire buildings in the city disappear, who is the mysterious pickpocketing woman in pink, who is the man with no face, and – the biggest question of all – what happened to Billy’s sister Caroline?

What does a boy detective do when his arch enemies are now elderly and senile, and will he ever regain the lost purpose and enthusiasm of his youth? This is a beautiful story of loss and failure and the struggle to continue on.

Meno also adds wonderful emersive details to this story: coded messages that you, the reader, must decode and an awesome super-secret hidden story.

An entertaining and philosophical read.

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Step 1 – Get a Persian rug.
Step 2 – Grow long, frizzy hair.
Step 3 – Strip.
Step 4 – Get comfortable with seeing your own buttocks hovering over your head.

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