‘How to Good-Bye Depression If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? of Effective Way?’

Hiroyuki Nishigaki has once again surpassed rational thought and cut straight to the point: clenching your anus 100 times a day is both an obvious and malarkey-free cure for depression. And Nishigaki’s rectal breakthroughs can’t be compromised by such petty things as coherent English or scientific evidence:

“In addition your sex energy will begin to become strong again by constricting anus 100 times and denting navel 100 times everyday following the life style of long lived British. But, you had better reduce the frequency of ** and of ## to less then half If possible. If you are less than 40 or 50 years old, you may become impatient and want to rape secretively. You will not be able to sleep thirsting for a young beautiful woman or man almost all night at the beginning.“

[But most of the long lived British I've met ** and ## like five times a day and still want to rape secretively.]

(more…)

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I heard about Joe Meno’s “The Boy Detective Fails” from the blog of Jackson Publick [the co-creator of the oh so amazing "Venture Brothers"].

In simple terms: Great story.

In complex terms: Billy Argo was the boy detective – famous and unbeatable, the constant subject of newspaper headlines. He solved the mysteries of haunted candy factories and amusement parks.

Now in his thirties and living in a psychiatric halfway-home, Billy’s life is on the decline. Recent odd happenings force him to resurrect his childhood vocation: Who is making entire buildings in the city disappear, who is the mysterious pickpocketing woman in pink, who is the man with no face, and – the biggest question of all – what happened to Billy’s sister Caroline?

What does a boy detective do when his arch enemies are now elderly and senile, and will he ever regain the lost purpose and enthusiasm of his youth? This is a beautiful story of loss and failure and the struggle to continue on.

Meno also adds wonderful emersive details to this story: coded messages that you, the reader, must decode and an awesome super-secret hidden story.

An entertaining and philosophical read.

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I got this in a used bookstore. 1972. Naked Yoga. Awesome.
[click on the tiny photo for multiple images; NSFW, though nothing vulgar]:

Step 1 – Get a Persian rug.
Step 2 – Grow long, frizzy hair.
Step 3 – Strip.
Step 4 – Get comfortable with seeing your own buttocks hovering over your head.

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Two books I am currently in love with (and they have no words, only pictures):

“Wanderlust” by Troy M. Litten – A wonderful collection of travel photos that sum-up a profound principle: the journey can be as dynamic as the destination. Litten’s photos capture the world of transit around the globe: an orange-tiled hotel bathroom, cryptic restroom signs, airplane meals, greasy food carts on the street, vivid taxi paintjobs, cups of coffee in 18 different hotels and restaurants.

“Point It” by Dieter Graf – this book just may be the most brilliant travel tool ever devised. Graf has created a language-free travel dictionary; namely, it is a pocket-sized book of photos of nearly anything that one would need (or one might encounter) while travelling. You don’t know the Russian word for “eggplant” – just point at the picture of it on the vegetable page. You can’t speak Mandarin and you want to know what meat you’re eating – the waiter can point to the deer, the cow, the goat, the bunny, the elk . . .

Dieter Graf, thank you for saving my ass in Estonia more than once.

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[going with a zombie theme]:

Max Brooks’ “Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead”” was hilarious.

I’m looking forward to is new book “World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War.”

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Delocator is an anti-store locator. I won’t say which coffee giant it’s delocating you from, but I’m sure you’ve got an idea.

Give that other lemonade stand a chance! You can also search (by zip code) for independent movie theaters and book stores. Yay!

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[For those of you who are not knee-deep in geekery]: Cthulhu (usually pronounced KThoo-Loo) is a sinister ancient deity from the works of early 20th century science fiction writer H.P. Lovecraft. Cthulhu is described as being gigantic and green, with rubbery skin, having an ‘octopus head’, a large belly, claws on its hands and feet, and thin wings emerging from its back. In Lovecraft’s universe, Cthulhu came to Earth (from somewhere in the distant cosmos) hundreds of millions of years ago and currently rests undead and “dreaming” among the remains of the buried alien city of R’lyeh, which lies beneath the most desolate area of the South Pacific (47° 9′ S, 126° 43′ W). In Lovecraft’s story “The Call of Cthulhu,” Cthulhu is described as contacting people in their dreams (usually in mid-March), and by these means Cthulhu generates cults of human worshippers around the world who await his eventual awakening; according to Lovecraft, the powerful leaders of the Cthulhu cult live “in the mountains of China.”

Needless to say, Cthulhu has serious geek appeal. There are Cthulhu role-playing games, Cthulhu is a figure in the Dungeons & Dragons universe, there are numerous Campus Crusade for Cthulhu movements, and the H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society has created an awesome 1920’s black-and-white ’silent movie’ of “The Call of Cthulhu.” They do a good job of following the original story and their visuals and musical score are stellar (watch the trailer). The H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society also offers a number of cool Cthulhu downloads, including the kick-ass cellphone wallpaper above.

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