Oh Heywood, you did beat me to it. But here’s the background that makes these early 80s clips worth watching: this video has only recently been released, and was shot by Juan Martin, who shot the footage for Spanish television. He has been holding onto it for years, and for MJ fans like myself (and Heywood), old video like this is digital gold!
Every Christmas, children college students around the world write letters to Santa Claus Christopher Walken asking him for toys and treats swift punishment for their enemies.
This is too good not to post…Vintage Michael Jordan: 1986 Nike Italian Summer exhibition; Shattered backboard. Classic.
(Beat you to it, Nerol! 
)
One has to wonder how NationalBanana.com got Cuba Gooding Jr. to star in this hilarious spoof Cialis commercial. Then again, it’s not that crazy…things haven’t been going great for CGJ after Jerry Maguire’s success, as he’s taken on parts in a slew of Razzie-worthy movies such as Rat Race, Snow Dogs, Boat Trip, Radio, A Dairy Tale, Norbit, and Daddy Day Camp, and now stars as the buffoon in Hanes commercials with Michael Jordan. Nevertheless, enjoy this clip:
Dom DeLuise has his own line of seasonings.
Paul Newman has is own damn aisle in the grocery store.
And now Jeff Foxworthy has released his own line of beef jerky.
Saw it in the store and bought a bag. A note to the potential consumer: opening the bag smelled like a giant barbeque fart.
Suggestions for better marketing taglines for this product:
• Stale comedy premise, fresh beef jerky!
• A taste so great, you’ll beat your wife!
• If this is your dinner, you just might be a redneck.
• As seen on COPS!
• Red meat, red states, red necks.
• Free Skynyrd T-shirt offer inside.
• It’s like a trailer park in your mouth!
• Now another reason why you’ll see Jeff Foxworthy at a gas station!
Here’s a background short on Baron Davis and Emanuelle Chriqui’s film, One Shot, that we profiled last week. Is this what professional athletes from Hollywood do in the off season?
[Editors note from Heywood]: Blogadilla is pumped to welcome long-time reader and contributor Nerol Someones as a new author. Be (somewhat) nice to the guy- we’re glad to have him!
I took this screenshot after last night’s UNC-Duke men’s basketball game. Take special note of Dick Vitale’s hyperhidrotic sweat glands… I mean, who sweats through his own tie?
Baron Davis of the Golden State Warriors, A.K.A. B-Diddy, A.K.A. Boom Dizzle; has just added another A.K.A. to his moniker: Rollergirl.
Check out this bizarre, but comical short film of the Baron, directed by Emmanuelle Chriqui, better known as Sloan from the HBO series Entourage:
(Thanks Loren; via Fanhouse)
[co-authored by Timbotron and Allison]
Last weekend, Blogadilla co-author Allison and I went to see the Coen Brothers’ film “No Country for Old Men”.
There are two major points we’d like to express:
1). Good movie.
2). The ending was the biggest load of sh!t ever!!!
We don’t want to give away the ending but . . .
THERE WAS NO F&#ING ENDING!!.
[Allison]:
“Can’t stop what’s comin.”
THEN LET IT COME ALREADY, B!TCH.
I PAID $10.50 TO SEE THIS MOVIE AND I WANT AN ENDING!
Don’t get me wrong, I loved it. Up until the end.
Here are our proposals for an ending for “No Country for Old Men”:
•The “Wonka” ending: Sherriff Bell hunts down Chigurh and tells him that he’s retiring and wants to give Chigurh the entire Chocolate Factory.
•Coen Bros. meets Tarantino ending: Chigurh limps away after the car crash and mistakenly walks into Zed’s pawn shop where Zed calls Tommy Lee Jones and says “looks like the spider caught a fly…”
•The Sarah Connor ending: In the final battle, Sherriff Bell discovers that Chigurh is a robot from the future sent to the past to stop the ending of the movie from ever really happening.
•The Skywalker ending: Sherriff Bell corners Chigurh and tells him the truth, “I don’t want to kill you. I just wanted to meet you . . . Son.” And a sobbing Chigurh and Bell embrace one another . . .
•The Tyler Durden: Sheriff Bell pursues Chigurh but can’t seem to find him, and over the phone Bell’s girlfriend Marla calls him “Chigurh,” and that’s when he realizes that he is . . .
Pet hypotheses for why the ending sucked:
•Ran out of film (Ethan Coen squandered a whole roll on interesting looking clouds).
•Soon after conjoined twins Joel and Ethan Coen were surgically separated (near the end of the filming of this movie), they decided that they couldn’t work together anymore.
•Cameraman died.
•The editor accidentally lost the last 10 minutes during a Robitussin binge.
I usually could give a flying F$%# about celebrities.
Other than making fun of them.
Go Fug Yourself has a great drunken Lindsay Lohan and Sharon Stone dialogue - this is some brilliant comedy writing.
(via Susan)
I have simple instructions for you. Go to Google, type in the search box “find Chuck Norris,” and hit “I’m Feeling Lucky.”
ChuckNorrisFacts.com is still funny, though it has officially reached the status of once-legendary-but-now-stale. And Chuck Norris himself has recently demonstrated that he’s kind of a douche. Though he’s always been kind of a douche.
And he’s freakishly hairy.
Like Robin-Williams-gorilla hairy.
Who is far more worthy of such recognition?
Action hero Bruce Willis.
Of course.
To clarify:
•Women smoke after sex with Bruce Willis. And they also sizzle and smoulder.
•Bruce Willis doesn’t use toilet paper. He uses Chuck Norris.
•Bruce Willis had a small hairy growth surgically removed from his back. It was Chuck Norris.
•Bruce Willis can cook Minute Rice in 10 seconds. With his mind.
•Bruce Willis doesn’t catch colds. Colds catch Bruce Willis.
•Bruce Willis bleeds to trick his enemies into thinking he’s mortal.
•Chuck Norris’s martial arts skills: black belts in Tang Soo Do.
Bruce Willis’s martial arts skills: black belts in being Bruce Willis.
•Every December, Santa Claus sits on Bruce Willis’s lap.
•Bruce Willis isn’t balding - his hair couldn’t handle the action and had to go.
•When Bruce Willis farts, it smells like Chuck Norris.
Do people really care what Chuck Norris has to say about politics? In either case, what a bizarre campaign ad, but glad to know Mike Huckabee is a “principled, authentic conservative.”
(from Katya)
Be separated from Kevin Bacon by only one degree with this nifty t-shirt from NoStar Clothing:
$24 is kind of pricey though. Alternative solution: Buy bacon, fry bacon, tape bacon to grey t-shirt. Remember to eat bacon before washing.
According to his last wishes, the remains of Robert “Evel” Knievel will be set on fire and launched over the Grand Canyon.
Given his recent passing, his final numbers can now be tallied:
•Wives: 2
•Longest Coma: 29 days
•Pelvis Fractures: 3
•Number of Broken Bones: (sources vary from 35 to 40)
•Total Number of Days in the Hospital: 36 months
•Number of Times Running an Anaconda Mining Company Earthmover into the Butte Montana City Powerlines: 1
•Number of Mountain Lions Jumped at One Time: 2
•Greatest Number of Cars Jumped at One Time: 19
•Greatest Number of Greyhound Buses Jumped at One Time: 14
•Convictions of Assault with an Aluminum Baseball Bat: 1
•Arrests for Solicitation of a Prostitute: 1
•Liver Transplants: 1
•Back Taxes Owed in 1983: $1,600,000.00
