Ouija Bored
Wednesday, July 23rd, 2008
My sister buys a home and has a party.
I buy her a glow-in-the-dark Ouija Board as a housewarming present (useful around the home, no?).
It went something like this:
(Scene: Seven drunk people in the darkened empty livingroom of an old farmhouse, around 12:00AM.)
Us: “Oh great Ouija, can you hear us?”
Ouija: “YES”
Us: “Oh great Ouija, who are we speaking to?
Ouija: “YES”
Us: “Ouija, what is Jacob’s mother’s middle name?”
Ouija: “M-J-A-Z-A-Z-8″
Us: “Ouija, is there anything you want to tell us?”
Ouija: “YES”
Us: “What do you want to tell us?”
Ouija: “J-R-I-3-I-4-C”
(End scene)
Some observations:
• Ouija Boards often communicate with the living through license plate numbers.
• Some Ouija Boards might need “calibration” – though I’m not sure how to do it.
• Perhaps Ouija Boards can be drunk. Or deaf. Or illiterate.
• When returning a Ouija Board to Toys-R-Us, don’t tell them that you think it’s defective and you’d like to exchange it for one with “stronger spiritual powers.”
