In one of the greatest “WTF?” moments of the year, this email from a Dreamworks employee found its way onto teh Internetz. Holy. Guacamole.

(via Ben; via defamer)

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What better way to send wishes than with a someecard?

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If you don’t do things to ceremoniously embrace Summer, it can often slip by unenjoyed.

A Working List of Things to Do This Summer
• Make lemonade from scratch (even if you have to buy the lemons) and drink it on a porch, stoop, deck, or veranda.
• Go to a beach, lake, or outdoor public swimming pool. Get wet.
• Eat popsicles.
• Have a barbeque - or minimally, eat barbeque.
• Sleep outdoors at least once - either in a forest, on a beach, in a back yard, or on the roof of your apartment building.
• If you have an ice cream man in your neighborhood, buy a popsicle from him at least once. Even if you are in your mid-30’s and look foolish chasing after him.
• Get a sunburn.
• Run through lawn sprinklers, slide on a Slip-N-Slide, sit in a kiddie-pool, wade in a public fountain, or go to a water park.
• Make an extra effort to put ice in all of your beverages. Especially coffee.
• Wear a sunscreen that smells like vacation. Even on a day when you don’t need to.

(barbeque photo from FreeFoto.com)

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Every year around the 4th of July, hundreds of eyewitness sightings of the elusive “Paul Revere” are reported. Also known as the “New England Sasquatch” and the “Colonial Skunk-Ape” - recent photographic evidence may offer the first substantial proof that this elusive creature is not the figment of the wild imaginations of shut-ins and hillbillies.

Our Blogadilla research team has acquired recent exclusive footage of this creature in its native habitat. The Paul Revere walks upright like a human being and has coloration which allows it to easily blend-in with its environment [Can you see it? Photos on the right enhanced for better viewing]. Our Blogadilla Heavy Industries research team suspects that this example is a female.

Bonus Round: The Benjamin Franklin Instant Disguise Kit (just like Scooby-Doo!)

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This is the 4th of July celebration in Santa Cruz, California.
Imagine Apocalypse Now with more explosions and more severed heads.

The song is “Star Spangled Mojo” by Mojo Nixon - perhaps the best rendition of “The Star Spangled Banner” ever.

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Every Christmas, children college students around the world write letters to Santa Claus Christopher Walken asking him for toys and treats swift punishment for their enemies.

Letters to Walken

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Yes, today’s the day. Take a shorter shower, ride your bike to work, and arrive late and sweaty with shampoo residue still in your hair. Or you could just watch this clip from the Daily Show– Jon Stewart is always down to put Mother Earth in her place.

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Pope Benedict XVI signed an official decree yesterday, that Easter Sunday will be celebrated a second time this year. This is not the first time that the Catholic church has done this - in 1521 and in 1790, Easter was also celebrated twice. This year, Easter will be celebrated on March 23rd and on April 6th - perhaps why many stores continue to carry Easter items for over a week after “Easter I.”

This odd “Second Easter Sunday” is based on a technicality regarding how Easter Sunday is determined by the Catholic church - the closest Sunday to the full Moon closest to the Spring Equinox: this year (like 1521 and 1790), the full Moons before and after the Equinox are precisely the same number of days, hours, and minutes away from the Equinox.

A Bonus: a second round of chocolate bunnies.

(Reuters link)

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In honor of Easter (albeit a day late), and to combine a few favorite Blogadilla themes (Walk It Out, Gwen; Peep Show and Microwave Oven vs. Easter), I present to you this awesome video of our beloved Peeps (who are gluten free, FYI) “Walkin It Out.”  Enjoy!

(via Katya; via GlutenFreeNYC)

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(image from viajar24h, a la cc 2.0, de la CandyBlog, en route d’Neatorama)

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[A couple of weeks ago, Jodi began a new class of art project: her cat Steve has taken to crapping on her kitchen floor]

This week’s installment of the Jodi Cat-Sh!t Art Project (”the JCSAP”) is entitled:

“Happy Easter”

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Yesterday was St. Patrick’s day. Which means that today, several of you have whiskey or green beer hangovers. Last night, in a bar, I was astounded to learn that there wasn’t a single Irish person in the room celebrating, and that the majority of the revelers had no clue that we were celebrating a Saint responsible for a snake-free Ireland. And all I wanted to do was smack the next person who asks me if I’m wearing green. I’m tempted to buy this shirt from T-Shirt Hell next year - my rebellion against a holiday whose meaning has become lost in Palo Alto, California.

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Late February/Early March - it’s that time of year again for the spectacular Estonian holiday Vastlapäev (VAS-tlah-paav).

The activities of this holiday:
•Sled down a hill (the farther your sled goes, the longer your flax will grow).
•Eat pea soup.
•Eat cream-filled pastries.

Here is a video I made a few years ago (while living in Estonia) which explains the basics of Vastlapäev:

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February is Black History Month and February 18th is Presidents Day. Both of which have sucky decorations: no fancy trees, no decent costumes, no color schemes, and no lame candy.

Example: my friend Jodi recently presented me with a “Lincoln Pop.”
He turns your tongue black and tastes like a copper penny.

If you lick him long enough, he turns into “Angry Zombie Lincoln.”

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I recently saw this Halloween costume for sale and a potentially awkward scenario came to mind:

Scene: Halloween night, in a crowded bar/nightclub

Drunk Woman: “What the hell are you supposed to be?! Are you like a Zombie with Curtains or a Dead Conquistador or something?”

Ghost Ship: “I’m a Ghost Ship”

Drunk Woman: “Oh . . . like a Ghost Pirate in that Johnny Depp movie!”

Ghost Ship: “No. I’m like the boat in that movie.”

Drunk Woman: “You’re a boat . . . then why do you have a face?”

Ghost Ship:
“It’s my ghost part.”
“It’s called ‘Anthropomorphic Representation’.”
“Because I’m a ghost also and this is my skull.”
“I’m a personification of a Ghost Ship.”
“Uhh . . . I don’t know.”

Drunk Woman: “Huh?!?!”

Drunk Woman: “Hey, my friend Melissa is going as a Sexy Pirate. Can she ride on your shoulders?”

End Scene

The negative aspects of dressing up as a Ghost Ship:
•Guys in pirate costumes may try to board you, rob you, and then set you on fire in the middle of the ocean.

•The entire night people will ask you what the hell you’re supposed to be.

•’Walking your plank’ jokes get old.

•A group of meddling kids might try to disrobe you in an attempt to prove that you’re an underhanded amusement park owner.

•Guys in pirate costumes may try to ’swab your poopdeck.’

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Two years ago, The Sneeze posted what may be the worst rendition of “O Holy Night” ever. In fact, this may be the the worst rendition of anything, ever. This song makes Baby Jesus cry.

Follow these directions:
•Turn the volume up as loud as it will go.
•Play this song.
•Halfway through the song, be prepared to pee a little bit; expect minor bleeding from the eardrums.

On an ascending scale of painful noises:
1 - car alarm
2 - mating humpback whales
3 - Minnie Riperton’s “Lovin’ You”
4 - German Shepherd kicked in the crotch
5 - crying sick infant
6 - cat in heat
7 - Vietnamese pop music
8 - crying sick infant being beaten with a cat in heat
9 - Chinese opera
10 - this song

(via The Sneeze. God bless you, Steve)

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I made a gingerbread house today - “War of the Worlds” was the theme.

Happy Holidays!

The Martian War Machine:
•A Moon Pie
•Black licorice
•Coat hanger wire
•Black Ju-Ju Bees
•Purple frosting
•Death Ray - Photoshop

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It’s that time of year when magazines and TV shows offer their lists of “What to get that man in your life (age 20-40).” Most of these lists aren’t made by men age 20-40 (who started the stupid rumor that we would ever want silky boxer shorts?). On behalf of men age 20-40, here is a fail-safe list of what to get that man in your life:

Military Grade Duct Tape - Duct tape is the ultimate fix-all - required in space missions. The only thing cooler than duct tape is military grade duct tape (bonus points if you can get it in olive drab).



Big Lebowski T-Shirts - There are countless to chose from, but here are a few of my favored picks:
•The stylish ‘This Aggression Will Not Stand’ shirt.
•The ‘El Duderino’ shirt.
•And for the real hardcore, the ‘Karu Betto’ baseball shirt (it’s Jeff Bridge’s actual shirt, which he wore in “The Big Lebowski,” “The Fisher King,” and “Tron”).



The Fisher ‘Space Pen’ - The Fisher Space Pen writes underwater and writes upside-down. How could you not want this?



The Victorinox Swiss Army Money Clip - It’s a moneyclip and a knife!. Overstock.com has a cool deal: a Space Pen and a Swiss Army Money Clip.



Kung-Fu Books - Because secretly every guy wants to learn Kung-Fu:
•‘Kung Fu: History, Philosophy, and Technique’
•‘The Art of Shaolin Kung-Fu’
•‘Kung Fu Elements’

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S.F.Gate’s ‘the Poop’ has a nice gallery of terrified children sitting on Santa’s lap.

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What is red and white and barfs all over?

Last night (December 15th), several major world cities were hit with flash-mobs of thousands of Santa Clauses. Christmas is near and once again Santarchy / Santacon has arrived. Last night, San Francisco was swarmed with drunk and festive Santas wearing cheap suits and drinking cheaper alcohol.

Flickr photoalbums of Santacon / Santarchy, San Francisco 2007:
On Tipsy!,
On Shoutey!,
On Barfey and Sh!tzen!

Video from 2006

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