It’s that time of year when magazines and TV shows offer their lists of “What to get that man in your life (age 20-40).” Most of these lists aren’t made by men age 20-40 (who started the stupid rumor that we would ever want silky boxer shorts?). On behalf of men age 20-40, here is a fail-safe list of what to get that man in your life:
Military Grade Duct Tape - Duct tape is the ultimate fix-all - required in space missions. The only thing cooler than duct tape is military grade duct tape (bonus points if you can get it in olive drab).
Big Lebowski T-Shirts - There are countless to chose from, but here are a few of my favored picks:
•The stylish ‘This Aggression Will Not Stand’ shirt.
•The ‘El Duderino’ shirt.
•And for the real hardcore, the ‘Karu Betto’ baseball shirt (it’s Jeff Bridge’s actual shirt, which he wore in “The Big Lebowski,” “The Fisher King,” and “Tron”).
The Fisher ‘Space Pen’ - The Fisher Space Pen writes underwater and writes upside-down. How could you not want this?
Last night (December 15th), several major world cities were hit with flash-mobs of thousands of Santa Clauses. Christmas is near and once again Santarchy / Santacon has arrived. Last night, San Francisco was swarmed with drunk and festive Santas wearing cheap suits and drinking cheaper alcohol.
The modern American Santa Claus is the result of a huge mess of practices and figures that have collided at high speed throughout the ages. Here is a brief synopsis of the origins of the modern American Santa Claus, and a history of his evil assistant (who is all but gone in American culture), in an approximate chronological order:
Santa Claus: Saint Nicholas - The 4th Century Bishop of Myra (in modern-day Turkey), he was known for giving to the poor. In particular, he was known for providing the dowries for three impoverished sisters - sparing them of a life of begging and prostitution. Saint Nicholas became (among many other things) the patron saint of children. Many cultures honor him on December 6th, weeks before Christmas.
Christmas can often be painfully upbeat: the nauseating repetition of the same 10 Christmas songs played in every store and business, the same 10 cherished Christmas movies playing on a continuous loop on television for 3 weeks solid, and cheerful dingbats wearing Santa hats in public as early as mid-November.
Last year, friend, Blogadilla reader, and Finnish goddess Elina sent me this fine quote from novelist Neil Gaiman, which helps to balance the equation:
“Nicholas was… older than sin, and his beard could grow no whiter. He wanted to die.
The dwarfish natives of the Arctic caverns did not speak his language, but conversed in their own twittering tongue, and conducted incomprehensible rituals when they were not actually working in the factories.
Once every year they forced him, sobbing and protesting, into Endless Night. During the journey he would stand near every child in the world, and leave one of the dwarves’ invisible gifts by its bedside. The children slept, frozen into time.
He envied Prometheus and Loki, Sisyphus and Judas. His punishment was harsher.
I paint [on] naked people, when time and people permit. Every Halloween, I paint less-naked/more-clothed people. Here are some highlights of friends and family that I’ve painted over the last 3 Halloweens (including this Halloween).
-This is me and what my skeleton probably looks like (2007).
The Latin American holiday Dia de los Muertos “Day of the Dead” is today, November 2nd. It is a Precolombian celebration to honor deceased family and friends . . . and Frida Kahlo. This year Redwood City made a great first attempt at a city-sponsored Dia de los Muertos celebration. Traditional dancers, sugar skulls, Oingo Boingo album artwork, pan de los muertos ["bread of the dead"], taquitos de los muertos ["little tacos of the dead"], Chihuahuas de los muertos ["lapdogs of the dead"], churros de los muertos ["breadsticks of the dead"], and tons of enthusiastic dead ancestor fans.
Well done, Redwood City.
Now please make the rest of the year in Redwood City suck less.
First of all, Happy 4th of July to all you ‘Dillas out there.
Today I journeyed to Coney Island to witness the 92nd annual Nathan’s International July Fourth Hot Dog Eating Contest. It was a battle for the ages, with Joey Chestnut demolishing his own recently-set world record of 59.5 franks, but still only narrowly beating out Takeru “The Tsunami” Kobayashi in total HDBs (Hot Dog and Buns) consumed. Chestnut scarfed down an amazing 66 hot dogs in 12 minutes, with Kobayashi ‘close’ behind at 63.
While it was difficult to get close to the actual competitors, the atmosphere was fantastic, as 30,000 people turned out for the event and an estimated 1.5 million people watched on TV.
An e-card is like saying “I care about you, but not enough to do much.” SomeECards.com has taken the (lack of) sentiment into a whole new (and deserving) direction.
