Yesterday, we showed you the McNuggetini. The creators, Alie and Georgia, also teach us how to make the Bloody Bacon & Cheese:

(via Kim, via The Thomas Collective)

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Step 1: Buy her the Palm Beach Sugar Daddy Ken Doll.

Pre-order now for April 2010 delivery . . . Just $69.99!

(via Allison)

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Public “Town Hall” meetings have become the new way for the average American to have a voice in the political arena.

Especially if that voice is loud and stupid.

TOWN HALL MEETING TIPS
1). SHOUT – Remember, this is about “being heard.” And the best way to be heard is by shouting. Even if you don’t remember what you’re shouting about. Your goal is to be heard, not understood.

2). WEAR FLAGS – American flag apparel reminds everyone that you are speaking on behalf of all Americans . . . except for the Godless heathens that don’t go to your church, those foreigners, and the homos. Wearing a flag also means that if people disagree with you: they hate America.

3). REMEMBER YOUR BATTLE – It is important to remember that this is a battle between good and evil; this is not about being constructive. If you lose this battle, communist conspirators may force your grandchildren to have abortions while teaching them about dinosaurs. And never forget that socialized medicine could lead to other socialist institutions like public schools or a national postal system. If we aren’t careful, we could easily end-up like those bastards Canada, England, or Sweden.

4). BRING SIGNS – Signs are simply shouting for the deaf. And it’s more patriotic if they aren’t spelled correctly. The Freedom of Speech is also the freedom to put apostrophes wherever you feel like and to spell things as you please. Don’t let the intellectual Liberal elite shut you down with their fancy “grammar” or “spelling.”

5). NEVER FACT CHECK – “Facts” and “proof” should never get in the way of you being heard, nor should they stop you from living in fear. Remember: if everyone believes it, it must be true. If everyone in your group fears that our government will create “death committees” to execute the elderly, then it must be true. Also, feel free to cite anything you heard on the Interweb, FOX News, or at gun shows. “Proven facts” are for smartasses, anyway.

6). BLAME – When all else fails, blame the Liberal media, welfare moms, homosexuals, foreigners, terrorists, and 9-11. Blame the foreigners especially.

7). TEA-BAG – Use the term “tea bagging” as much as possible – it’s time we took this term back from the homos.

Barney Frank Smackdown Bonus Round:

I love you Barney.
(via Rebecca)

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How to turn an empty pack of cigarettes into a Russian fighter jet,
at EnglishRussia.

Охуеть!
(awesome!)

Google translation offered испытывающий страх! as “awesome,” though it actually means “someone experiencing fear.”
That is awesome.

(Thanks Gordin and Kerran!)

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The Neistat Brothers steal their own bike to answer the riddle of the ages:

“How easy is it to steal a bike in New York in plain sight?”

Holy shit:

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Never again will I eat flan.

The book to buy everyone this upcoming holiday season:

“Natural Harvest: A Collection of Semen-Based Recipes.“

With such fine recipes as: Guanabee Horchata, the Almost White Russian, Tuna Sashimi with Dipping Sauce, Lime Aioli, and Creamy C*m Crepes.

Some questions:
• In restaurants, don’t these foods usually contain semen anyway?
• When will this be the magic ingredient on Iron Chef?
• How many Weight Watchers points for semen?
• It semen Kosher? Is there a shechita/halal way of procuring it?

(via Susan, via John, via Lulu)

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In the name of clogged arteries and of course Thanksgiving, I share with you the Turbaconducken.  That’s right, a chicken stuffed in duck stuffed in a turkey– a Turducken– with each part wrapped in bacon.   Make your own with instructions from BaconToday. . . and if you live to tell about it, please share your stories here!

(via Laura, via HolyTaco)

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