What you will need:
• 1 can Dr. Pepper or a trashy Dr. Pepper clone.
• 4 pork chops (boneless or with bone)
• black pepper
• red pepper (leftover packet from pizza delivery is fine)
• 1 cigarette (not menthol)
• skillet
• cooking oil
• tongs or spatula or stick
• stove
• kitchen

Step 1: Put a little oil in the skillet, put the skillet on stovetop, turn stove on to medium setting. Place the 4 porkchops onto the skillet.

Step 2: Pour (or spit) about a mouthful of Dr. Pepper onto the porkchops when they begin sizzling. Dump Pizza Hut packet of red pepper onto the sizzling porkchops. Pour the same amount of black pepper onto the porkchops.

Step 3: Turn porkchops when necessary. You want the Dr. Pepper to reduce (boil down) to a thick sticky syrup, what we will call a demi-glace (borrowing a fancypants French term to sound like we know what we’re doing). As the Dr. Pepper becomes thicker, the sugar in it will caramelize and stick to the pork chops – this is your goal. This may take some time.

Step 4: Smoke the cigarette while you watch the meat cook. When the porkchops are cooked, cut off the fatty ends or fatty edges of the meat and leave them in the pan. Remove the porkchops, leave the fat in the pan.

Step 5: Pour the remainder of the Dr. Pepper into the pan with the fatty ends of the porkchops. Let them fry/boil until the remaining Dr. Pepper becomes thick. Remove the fatty chunks (and feed them to the dog), pour the Dr. Pepper sauce onto the pork chops.

Step 6: Eat in a trailer home.

Serving suggestion: On a bed of Cheetos, with lemonade or beer as a libation.

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Last Fall, someone tried repeatedly to break into a neighbor’s apartment – windowscreens torn or pulled off, and attempts to pry open the window locks. I helped her to better fortify her windows and I decided it would be wise to protect my own.

I went with minor antipersonnel gardening: planter boxes beneath all of the windows, each filled with cacti. The project itself cost around $25 for each antipersonnel planter box, and it took an afternoon to do. IKEA (at the time) had sets of 3 small cacti for ~$5.00 and single large cacti for ~$5.00 each.

Some points to consider:
• This won’t prevent anyone from breaking in if they are hellbent on doing so. It provides ‘disincentive’ – making it uncomfortable or more difficult to casually approach and open windows from the outside. They provide a visual threat (I’ve considered adding poison oak to some of the planter boxes, also).

• The cost is relatively low.

• It is easy to do – Screw the planter box into the bottom of the window sill. I suggest you use BBQ tongs or pliers to handle the cacti when you’re planting them.

• It is easy to maintain – Cacti are low-maintenance and often only need watering on a monthly basis.

• It looks cool – every time I look out the window, it looks like I’m in Arizona.

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If you love pranks, or are just an a$$hole and want to piss off/lose your friends, you may or may not want to check out CalltheFuture.org, a unique service that until April Fools’ Day, I had never heard of. Sure, I’m a little late bringing to the site, but this is still worth addressing for all y’all Dillas out there.

Before I get started, however, let me state that CalltheFuture makes it clear that their service is not to be used for pranks. I personally would never do this, nor advocate it, but that doesn’t mean my buddy (who will remain nameless) wouldn’t… So again, I’m not advocating this– just bringing some interesting knowledge I happened across to the Dillasphere.

CalltheFuture’s service is marketed as a tool to help people remind themselves about important future engagements, from meetings and appointments to other responsibilities, allowing users to schedule “courtesy” calls in the future to any phone number they choose at any given time. In theory, this could be very useful, such as if I have to pick up my buddy from the airport at 3pm a week from now and I’m worried I might forget– I can just schedule a call for 12 noon that day to remind me. Sweet, right? Just type in a string of text you want read to you, plug in the phone number you want to call, type in the number you want to show up as the caller ID(!), and choose one of 7 voices (male or female, aged 30-55) you want to read your text. The rest, as they say, is magic.

Sure, CTF can be useful, but the possibility of tomfoolery is large. My advice is this: don’t not not pull pranks on your friends, such as setting up calls to your roommate at 5am daily, or programming nasty calls to your ex-girlfriend every hour on the hour.

(Image modified via CartoonStock.com)

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This is what happens when you’ve worked in an office far too long – you invent games like “Hide and Go Poop.”

To be honest, I’d probably play this if I worked there.
I’d probably be Grand Champion and brag about it, too.

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This is Jaimie.
He lives in a geodesic dome in the forest.
He likes building things.
He is currently building a giant 6-legged robot.
You can watch Jaimie’s progress on his YouTube page.
Go, Jaimie, Go!

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First we brought you the Bacontini. Now we teach you how to make it…or at least, make the main ingredient in it: Bacon Vodka!

You’ll be surprised though, this isn’t actually very tough. The BrowniePointsBlog lays it out in 8 easy steps:

1. Fry up three strips of bacon.
2. Add cooked bacon to a clean pint sized mason jar.
3. Trim the ends of the bacon if they are too tall to fit in the jar (or you can just throw a bunch of fried up bacon scraps in the mason jar).
4. Optional: Add crushed black peppercorns.
5. Fill the remainder of the bacon/peppercorn mason jar with vodka.
6. Cap and place in a dark cupboard for at least three weeks. That’s right– don’t refrigerate it.
7. After the three week resting period, place the bacon vodka in the freezer to solidify the fats. Strain out the fats through a coffee filter to yield a clear filtered pale yellow bacon vodka.
8. Decant into decorative bottles and enjoy.

Click here for a list of various bacon-infused cocktails you can make.

(via Katya and Laura)

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