Foreign branding is the art of making a brand name sound attractively foreign.

The formula for making an ice cream/frozen yogurt name:
• Two words.
• First word two syllables, second word one syllable.
• Have at least one Z or S.
• The first word should end in N.
• Put a diaeresis ön top of ëvery third vöwel.

Häagen Dazs – An American ice cream company, founded in the Bronx in 1961. Neither word exists in any Scandinavian or Northern European language.

Frusen Glädjé – An American ice cream company, founded in 1980. Unsuccessfully sued by Häagen Dazs in 1981 for “stealing their fake Scandinavian idea.” Surprisingly, “frusen glädje” (without the accent) actually means “frozen joy” in Swedish.

Yogen Früz – An American frozen yogurt franchise founded in 1986. Neither the word “yogen” nor “früz” exists in any Scandinavian or Northern European language.

Freshëns – A frozen yogurt and smoothie franchise based in Atlanta, Georgia. Also known as “Yogurt Ventures U.S.A., Inc.” The word does mean “fresh” or “freshen” in Swedish, Danish, and Norwegian, but still sounds like a Scandinavian feminine hygiene product.

Lïnk:
A nice Clicknation article on foreign branding by Bruce Campbell.

Tötali Reläted:
The Blogadilla Swedish Furniture Name Generator

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Some terms to know:

• Hypermiling – (v., n.) The act of adjusting tire air pressure, oil viscosity, driving speeds, etc. to improve gas mileage. Verb form: to Hypermile.

• Latinnovation – (n.) The process of modifying marketing and business strategies to accommodate/target the United States’ growing Latino consumer and employee markets.

• Quebec Pizza – (n.) A PopTart pastry with ketchup on it; noted in the recent (and terrible) Mike Meyers film “The Love Guru.”

• “Drinking out of cups, being a b!tch” – (phrase) A ranting phrase from a recent Liam Lynch video that has caught popular attention, often used as a way to express pedestrian or bourgeois behavior.

• Drunk Tampons – (n.) A rising trend among American tweens: inserting an alcohol-soaked tampon into the vagina or rectum as a means of becoming rapidly drunk.

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• Snowbilly – (adj., n.) A “hillbilly” or “red neck” from Alaska or other northern reaches of the United States. Currently used in reference to Sarah Palin.

• Bandslash – (adj., n.) A genre of fan authored fiction that focusses on homosexual encounters among rock stars (often among band members within the same group).

• ‘Anata to wa chigau n desu.’ – (Japanese phrase) Japan’s Prime Minister Yasuo Fukuda said this cryptic phrase (”I am different from you”) to a reporter soon after his recent and unexpected resignation from office. This expression is now becoming the new internet ‘buzz phrase’ in Japan (props to PinkTentacle for explaining/traslating this). Fukuda T-shirts are now selling like crazy in Japan.

• Urushiol – (n.) The oily compound produced by members of the Toxicodendron family of plants (Poison Oak, Poison Ivy, Poison Sumac), which causes irritation and swelling when in contact with skin and mucous membranes. This is a good word to know if you want to be a smartass in the forest.

• Grey Goo – (n.) An end-of-the-world scenario involving nanotechnology that self-replicates and eventually overtakes the surface of the Earth, destroying all life in its wake.

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• Besserwisser – (beh•sur•vi•sur) From German, meaning “knowing better,” a person who thinks he or she has greater general knowledge than others; often correcting grammatical mistakes or errors in trivial facts.

• Indigo Children – The New Age belief that certain children (usually born after the late 1970’s) represent a more advanced state of evolution. These children are reported to have greater psychic and mental abilities and are reported to have indigo colored auras.

• Nutraceuticals – (nu•tra•su•ti•culs) Foods and beverages that claim to enhance appearance, revive mental acuity, and increase resistance to disease.

• Nomophobia – (no•mo•fo•bi•uh) The fear of being out of mobile phone contact or mobile phone signal range.

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The word Wal-Mart is pushing on you this summer is Staycation.

Stay·ca·tion [stey-key-shuh-n] noun.

1. A vacation that is spent at one’s home enjoying all that home and one’s home environs have to offer.

Sentence: With the economy in such shambles, I’m gonna take a staycation this year – I think I’ll check out what Wal-Mart is selling and later come up with some more portmanteaux…

Definition via Urbandictionary.

[Update from Heywood]: Check out John Hodgman’s piece on the “Holistay.”

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• Techno-Doping – Enhancing human physical attributes through technology; a popular concern in this year’s Summer Olympics.

• Ficlet – A short story that (in wiki fashion) another author may then add a prequel or sequel to.

• Fingerstache – A tattoo of a mustache on the outside edge of an index finger; when held above the upper lip, instant mustache (photogallery).

• Drunkorexia – To starve oneself to compensate for the calories from binge-drinking.

• Seasteading – Engineering communities/settlements (and perhaps even sovereign nations) afloat in international waters.

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In line at the grocery store, I’m staring off into space and then my eyes catch the cover of Cosmopolitan Magazine. In particular, the large purple hyphenated word “Va-jay-jay.” The full title is “Your Va-jay-jay: Fascinating New Facts About Your Lovely Lady Parts.”

Va-jay-jay!?!

Is this some tragic pseudo-urban hipster moniker for “vagina”!?!
Is this what the kids are calling it these days?!?
What about “Vagizzle,” “V-to-the-gina,” or “V. Diddy“?


And I suspect it is the answer to several other topics on the cover:

5 Things Never to Tell Your Guy
All 5 involve using the word Va-jay-jay to refer to your vagina.

Sex He Has Alone
You know why? Because you call it a Va-jay-jay and that’s weird and so he’s in the bathroom thinking about your sister instead of your Va-jay-jay!

Why Guys Cheat
Because they want to sleep with a woman who doesn’t call it a Va-jay-jay!


[Va-jay-jay update]: According to reader Isabel, this sounds-better-than-’cooter’ term for vagina has been around for some time (and I just don’t watch enough television), having appeared on ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ and even ‘Oprah’ (the perfect venue for promoting lame terms like this). Frankly, the word ‘Oprah‘ sounds like a better term for vagina than ‘Va-jay-jay.’
“This tight underwear makes my Oprah itch!”

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