3:13PM: the television news media (CNN, FOX, MSNBC) has yet to officially state that Michael Jackson is dead. Jackson was not breathing when he was rushed to the UCLA Medical Center at 12:26PM today, in a state of cardiac arrest.

3:15PM: L.A. Times now states that doctors have pronounced Michael Jackson dead.

3:30PM: CNN television news announces that Michael Jackson is dead. Suck it CNN! You’re 15 minutes behind!

NOTE: Michael Jackson is declared only “99% dead” – his nose was already declared legally dead over 7 years ago.

(via Kate)

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Scientists at the GSI Helmholtzzentrum für Schwerionenforschung (Center for Big-Ass Ion Research) have created “Element 112” – the newest addition to the periodic table of elements. They did this by getting lead and zinc really drunk and smashing them together. Until the official name is declared within six months, this element will be provisionally called Ununbium (Uub) or Eka-mercury.

Name Suggestions for Element 112:
• Bigassium
• Helmholtzzentrumfürschwerionenforschungium
• Jumbonium
• Ausgezeichnetium
• Illudium Phosdex (the Shaving Cream Atom)
• Huskyium
• Energon
• Großefraulienium
• Ziff (the Mormon Metal)
• Orichalcum
• Overactiveglandium
• Carbonite
• Tubbyium
• Wonderflonium
• Amazonium/Feminum (the Wonder Woman Metal)
• Bloatium
• Upsidaisium
• Dilithium

(via Science Daily)

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(photos from AFP/Spiegel)

Last Sunday, the Baltic nation of Latvia discovered the cure for the doldrums of economic despair:

A parade of HOT HOT BLONDES!

(via PhillyDTV, via Spiegel)

Matching Carpet Bonus Fact:
The mutation that gave rise to blonde hair came about around 11,000 years ago (during the last Ice Age) – given the modern distribution of blondes, Latvia may be the geographic origin of blonde hair.

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Prepare to be amazed: Janine Sugawara recently discovered that Cap’n Crunch Crunchberries are not real berries.

U.S. District Court Judge Morrison England Jr. dismissed Sugawara’s lawsuit:

” . . . a reasonable consumer would not be deceived into believing that the Product in the instant case contained a fruit that does not exist . . . So far as this Court has been made aware, there is no such fruit growing in the wild or occurring naturally in any part of the world. “

Other Potential Lawsuits for Janine Sugawara:
• Hot Dogs (rarely contain dog)
• Donkey Punch (not a beverage)
• Chicken Fingers (fingers: yes / chicken: no)
• Cap’n Crunch (not an actual naval officer)
• Baby Oil (only Mexican brands contain baby)
• Frankenberries (no relationship to Al Franken)
• Marion Berry (a controlled substance, but not a berry)
• Dick Van Dyke (heterosexual)

(via Susan, via The Consumerist, via Lowering the Bar)

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He died how he lived: in a hotelroom in Bangkok, Thailand. Link

(via Susan)

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(photos by Todd Krainin for the New York Times)

The globe’s largest youth paramilitary organization (known as the “Boy Scouts“) is now offering “Anti-Terrorism Youth Training” through their Explorer Scouts program.

The current Imperial County (CA) program offers training exercises for:
• National border patrol
• Terrorism and hostage scenarios
• Sniper killing sprees
• Raiding marijuana fields

New York Times link and kick ass crime-fighting slideshow.

(via BLDG blog)

Famous Boy Scouts:
Neil Armstrong, Sir David Attenborough, Mayor Marion Barry, serial killer Gary Bishop, first “Afronaut” Col. Guion Bluford, David “Ziggy Stardust” Bowie, Jimmy Buffett, George W. Bush, Swedish Prime Minister Ingvar Carlsson, Bill Clinton, Walter Cronkite, Michael Dukakis, Dwight Eisenhower, Harrison Ford, Gerald Ford, Bill Gates, Richard Gere, David Gilmour, John Glenn, John F. Kennedy, David Lynch, UK Prime Minister John Major, Branford Marsalis, actor Jerry Mathers, Paul McCartney, George Michael, Michael Moore, Jim Morrison, Ross Perot, Eddie Rabbitt, John Ritter, Theodore Roosevelt, Donald Rumsfeld, John “Bo Duke” Schneider, Steven Spielberg, Jimmy Stewart, John Tesh,

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(photo: AFP/Getty)

The giant thong-clad buttcheeks of China’s first sex-themed amusement park “Love Land” will remain forever silent – closed before they could ever open wide. Apparently China is not ready to go public with its rampant sexuality.

The Chongqing amusement park was intended to promote sex education: decorated with large statues of male and female genitalia, offering sex workshops and exhibits detailing sex across history and culture. Once again, the world will have to settle for Las Vegas.

Links: Oooh, Aaah, Oh

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