• Wikipedia - the “Mother of all Wikis . . . and -pedias”.
• Uncyclopedia - like Wikipedia, but drunk.
• Conservapedia - like Wikipedia, but stupid and paranoid.
• Dickipedia - like baseball cards, about jerks.
JimmyR has got a collection of some of the greatest student exam answers I’ve seen in a long time. Study up, all you young Dillatites out there, or else this will be you! Click the image for more.
(Thanks to Katya for the link)
Today I took this picture of a Starbucks . . .
FROM INSIDE A STARBUCKS ACROSS THE STREET!!!
San Francisco. 100 block of Battery Street near California Street.
I’m too cool to patronize a Starbucks, so let’s say I was in there to use the bathroom.
The Blogadilla Starbucks Challenge:
I will send a free Blogadilla T-shirt (when we get them made in the next month or so) to the first person who can send us a photograph with three separate Starbucks coffeeshops appearing in it.
Contest rules:
• Kiosks do not count, must be a full-fledged coffeeshop.
• They must be three separate Starbucks coffeeshops.
• You cannot use Photoshop, etc. - the photo must be untouched and all three must be clearly visible.
• It must be one photo, no panoramas (but send them anyway), or fish-eye lens shots.
• The photo must be yours and taken by you (not taken from a website, etc.).
• You must provide the specific addresses of the three Starbucks locations.
If you love pranks, or are just an a$$hole and want to piss off/lose your friends, you may or may not want to check out CalltheFuture.org, a unique service that until April Fools’ Day, I had never heard of. Sure, I’m a little late bringing to the site, but this is still worth addressing for all y’all Dillas out there.
Before I get started, however, let me state that CalltheFuture makes it clear that their service is not to be used for pranks. I personally would never do this, nor advocate it, but that doesn’t mean my buddy (who will remain nameless) wouldn’t… So again, I’m not advocating this– just bringing some interesting knowledge I happened across to the Dillasphere.
CalltheFuture’s service is marketed as a tool to help people remind themselves about important future engagements, from meetings and appointments to other responsibilities, allowing users to schedule “courtesy” calls in the future to any phone number they choose at any given time. In theory, this could be very useful, such as if I have to pick up my buddy from the airport at 3pm a week from now and I’m worried I might forget– I can just schedule a call for 12 noon that day to remind me. Sweet, right? Just type in a string of text you want read to you, plug in the phone number you want to call, type in the number you want to show up as the caller ID(!), and choose one of 7 voices (male or female, aged 30-55) you want to read your text. The rest, as they say, is magic.
Sure, CTF can be useful, but the possibility of tomfoolery is large. My advice is this: don’t not not pull pranks on your friends, such as setting up calls to your roommate at 5am daily, or programming nasty calls to your ex-girlfriend every hour on the hour.
(Image modified via CartoonStock.com)
As CollegeHumor.com says, “So what if it was their second date? She was the one!”
Ya gotta feel bad for this guy…but at least he got a free beer!
(From SteveB; via CollegeHumor.com)
Earlier this month I wrote a post about the spectacular theme-blog Stuff White People Like. And, of course, given the amount of attention this site has received, it was only a matter of time until someone did a lame ripoff. That day has arrived: Stuff Christians Like. Holy sh!t. Literally.
There are a few items that have yet to make it to their list:
#97 - Having to take conventional things and make them ‘Christian,’ as if everything in the secular world is just too damn corrupt or dangerous or just not magical enough.
#99 - Incessantly talking about being Christian in a self-congratulatory manner, to the point of making unimaginative blogs about it.
Dom DeLuise has his own line of seasonings.
Paul Newman has is own damn aisle in the grocery store.
And now Jeff Foxworthy has released his own line of beef jerky.
Saw it in the store and bought a bag. A note to the potential consumer: opening the bag smelled like a giant barbeque fart.
Suggestions for better marketing taglines for this product:
• Stale comedy premise, fresh beef jerky!
• A taste so great, you’ll beat your wife!
• If this is your dinner, you just might be a redneck.
• As seen on COPS!
• Red meat, red states, red necks.
• Free Skynyrd T-shirt offer inside.
• It’s like a trailer park in your mouth!
• Now another reason why you’ll see Jeff Foxworthy at a gas station!
Once again, technology is put to good use: Atlanta bar owner Rufus Terrill has created the anti-vagabond “Bum Bot 2000.“
It has a 2,000,000 candlepower floodlight and a water cannon capable of 200 lbs of pressure. The object of this robot is to chase away vagrants, prostitutes, and pushers in his neighborhood. Many of Terrill’s targets are the “sort of people” drawn to a local emergency homeless shelter - he hopes to let them know they aren’t welcome to plague his public streets anymore. The camera feed on the Bum Bot 2000 is projected onto a big screen TV in Terrill’s bar, so patrons can watch prostitutes and hoboes get sprayed with water. This unstoppable security droid may have only one weakness, that hopefully the swarthy homeless will never discover: pushing it over.
Suggestions for a better name for this robot:
•Hobotron 2000
•The Roomba Wet T-Shirt Machine
•BumFighter X1
•Bigot-tron 4000
•The Hobo Soaker
•Go-Starve-Somewhere-Else-O-Matic
•The Hookernator
•Ho-Bot
•D!ckhead with a Watergun 9000
I want to invent “Drunkbot 3000″: it will regularly cover the floor of Terrill’s bar in vomit.
Linkety-link: L.A. Times
(via Susan)
From the world of obscure piercings and novel implants comes the blurring of the line between human and calamari.
Suction cup implants (which would be cool if they actually sucked).
This is Robert Echeverria.
He’s 32.
He weights 500 pounds and is 6′ tall.
He’s a gang member.
He stars in a YouTube video where he scams a Del Taco restaurant in Rialto, California.
His bail is set at $125,000.00.
Link: Press-Enterprise story
Bonus Round: What is it about Del Taco that makes people want to act like d!cks (and then brag about it on YouTube)?
People acting like jackasses at Del Taco:
•Chair-throwing fight at Del Taco.
•Fernando fights some guy at Del Taco.
•Climbing a Del Taco.
•Saying obscene things to a complete stranger at Del Taco.
•Two girls get kicked out of Del Taco for running around like a couple of idiots
(via Susan)
Over the past few years, most all companies have made the shift to the Internet, creating domain names and webpages to advertise their business and expand their reach. Clearly, however, not all domain names are created equal, and as is the case with the following sites, not very much thought was put into the selection of their respective domain names:
Other unintentionally hilarious domain names that at one time existed but unfortunately do not anymore (or the pages are under construction) included:
(Thanks Eliot; via NextWebGen)
This is a little old, but I still love it:
The First Annual MySpace Stupid Haircut Awards.
(via i-am-bored.com)
I took this screenshot after last night’s UNC-Duke men’s basketball game. Take special note of Dick Vitale’s hyperhidrotic sweat glands… I mean, who sweats through his own tie?
Blogadilla co-author Allison and I just got back from watching 10,000 BC. The following is an inventory of our comments driving home from the movie:
•”It’s sad when the best actor in a movie is a computer animated Wooly Mammoth.”
•”If they show this on an airplane, I’m jumping.”
•”This is what happens when you take drugs in a natural history museum.”
•”I’ve picked scabs that were more satisfying.”
•”It was a great comedy.”
•”Roland Emmerich peaked at Godzilla.”
•”10,000 BC - yeah, 10,000 Bad Choices.”
•”Why is it that everyone in 10,000 BC looked like Adam Duritz from Counting Crows?”
Recently seen while channel surfing (Actually, I saw this just minutes before flipping to Alyssa Brown smashing her face):
In addition to the mispelling, what a pertinent set of statistics for Fox News to be displaying…
My friend Jodi works next to an extensive candy store. On a weekly basis, she brings me bizarre candy.
This week: Kandy Kastle “Lightning Bunny” candy.
For starters, the candy is designed around the concept that eating gummy bullsh!t is more fun in the dark. Which it is not. A package of 10 gummy blobs, and a pair of light-up tongs (which illuminate the gummy blobs).
This candy may officially be the biggest hassle ever.
They have succeeded in the difficult task of making candy-eating complicated.
Here are the instructions on the back of the package. No joke, have a gander:
1). Be careful removing the opp [sic] bag as you might damage the tongs.
2). Remove the battery “Pull Tag” from the tongs before using.
3). Use the tongs to pick up candy. The light will make the candy glow.
4). Do not mix old and new batteries. Do not mix alkaline, Standard (carbon-zinc), or rechargeable (nickel-cadmium) batteries.
5). Do not place in water as electronics will short.
6). Take out batteries when this toy is not in use.
7). When the light becomes weak, it is time to change the battery.
8). Only batteries of the same or equivalent type as recommended are to be used.
9). Batteries are to be inserted with the correct polarity.
10). Remove batteries when they are dead.
11). The supply terminals are not to be short-circuited.
12). Non-rechargeable batteries are not to be recharged.
13). Use only (2) AG3/LR41.
14). Do not dispose of batteries in fire.
Do not point light into eyes.
Do not put tongs into water, as it will damage them.
Holy Crap. Never mind. I’ll eat M&Ms instead.
I was flipping through the channels today and just as I happened to pass over gymnastics, I saw this– Alyssa Brown of Canada during her floor routine at the 2008 American Cup tries something a bit too difficult for her and gets absolutely pwned!
The moment you realize that Garfield isn’t real is the moment you know that (his owner) John is psychotic and bipolar .
Garfield Minus Garfield - The real John.
(via Susan, via Defamer)
Last week, Blogadilla co-author Allison and I did our share of bitching about the lack of an ending to the Coen Brothers’ hit movie “No Country for Old Men”.
To clarify: It is possible to have an ending without having “follow-through.” And this lack of “follow-through” is cinematic coitus interruptus. It is cruel and lame.
To illustrate our point: Here is a knock-knock joke I hope to someday tell writers/directors Joel and Ethan Coen:
Me: “Knock-knock!”
Joel and Ethan Coen: “Who’s there?”
Me: “Orange.”
Joel and Ethan Coen: “Orange who?”
Me: “. . .”
Joel and Ethan Coen: “Orange who!?!”
Me: “. . .”
Joel and Ethan Coen: “ORANGE WHO!?!”
Me: “Tommy Lee Jones had a dream about his dad. F#ck you!”
