The Dark Knight

Chrithtian Bale: okay.
Gyllenhaal: casting mistake.
Ledger: OUTSTANDING!

THE BEST Batman film.
It actually had a plot.
Two and a half hours.

Bookmark to:

Wanted

Like “The Matrix” but
without the Matrix. And the
good guys are all d!cks.

Jolie was like “Aaaagh!“
and her car went “Errrrrrrrtt!” and her
gun went “Psshhhiiiiw!” . . . Kick Ass!

Bookmark to:

The movie War, Inc. finally came to a theater in my neighborhood.

Two words: “kick” and “ass.”

I loved it.

Brand Hauser (John Cusak) is an assassin on a mission in the war-torn mythle-eastern nation of Turaqistan. Hauser is posing as the producer of an arms convention, promoting Tamerlane military industries - the very corporation currently occupying the nation of Turaqistan. At the convention, Hauser meets journalist Natalie Hegalhuzen (Marisa Tomei) and obnoxious middle eastern pop star Yonica Babyyeah (Hilary Duff) . . . and all hell breaks loose in this Douglas Coupland-esque world.

War, Inc. has several of the best qualities of Cusak’s previous assassin dark comedy Grosse Pointe Blank - clever dialogue, a great soundtrack (that does not yet exist on iTunes, dammit), and several stellar fight/action scenes worthy of Martin Blank. This film also smelled heavily of Douglas Coupland and Naomi Klein’s “Baghdad Year Zero” (both of which are good smells).

Locate a showing at a theater near you.

Bookmark to:

Surprisingly good,
Fantastic animation,
Jack Black gets an A

A cast of all-stars
Kung-Fu Panda: Big surprise
Go out and see this.

Bookmark to:

The Happening

Mark Wahlberg stars while
Shyamalan gets preachy
with gross suicides.

Is it phones?!? Is it
trees!?! Is it crowds?!? Is it bees!?!
What (the hell) is this disease?!?

Bookmark to:

The Incredible Hulk: Part Deux

Double dose of Hulk,
But don’t wait around, there is
Not a tag ending

Bruce Banner is back
Better than the last Hulk film
Norton’s Grade: B Plus

Bookmark to:

Palo Alto, CA.

Pampas - a new Brazilian churrasco restaurant.

Dessert menu item: “chocolate torte served with caramel ice cream, crème fraiche sauce, bacon Brazil nut toffee, smoked sea salt.”

Consulting Executive Pastry Chef: Marisa Churchill

The toffee is a nice blend - far better than other bacon chocolate combinations I’ve tried in the past - a good balance of texture (Brazil nuts and bacon) with pleasant sweetness (chocolate and toffee) and the finish of salty and smokey umami (bacon).

Overall Bacony Goodness Score: ***** 5/5

Bookmark to:

Throughout gradeschool and highschool, English teachers repeatedly stated that it was our civic duty as Americans to adore and admire the works of Mark Twain. Years later and I still hate him.

Here is a revised list of the many reasons why I think Mark Twain is a douche:

• Tom Sawyer Island and the Mark Twain Riverboat are the lamest rides at Disneyland.

• He gave his characters dippy names like Huckleberry and Pudd’nhead. No kid would have gone by the name Huckleberry - classmates would have called him Hucklefairy or Fuckleberry. And Pudd’nhead already sounds dirty.

• Mark Twain impersonators (”Twainies”) are the lowest strata of the nerd pecking order - even Star Trek geeks and Renaissance Faire nerds make fun of them and beat them up.

• He was overly fond of the word “Yankee,” and often used it as an obscene verb.

• Mark Twain and Colonel Sanders used to go to parties together dressed the same. They thought it would get them chicks.

• Both Ernest Hemingway and Jack London could have taken Twain in a fistfight.

• At a time when people were dying of cholera, the standards for humor were pretty low. Frog jumping contests and suckering someone into painting a fence = SO NOT FUNNY.

• There are dozens of public schools and parks named after Mark Twain, but there isn’t even a single parking lot named after Elmore Leonard.

Bookmark to:

World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War by Max Brooks

[I just finished reading it (and yes, I know this book has been out a while)]:

By title alone, you are probably thinking one of two things:
a). “Cool! Zombie fiction!“
b). “Dear God . . . Zombie fiction?!?“

Here’s the catch: it’s not so much about zombies, it’s about how different societies would react to a global pandemic. However, the pandemic in this story happens to be the reanimated dead. And author Max Brooks didn’t get lazy about it either - he did his homework, he left no technical detail to chance. The only real fiction is the zombie part: no Deus ex machina, no laser guns invented to save humanity.

Topically, Brooks found a fascinating subject, flush with interesting questions:
“How would China or Canada react to a pandemic?”
“What is the best way to stop a pandemic from spreading across the globe?”
“What would happen to the average person when their town/city is overrun?”
“What would our government do?”
“How would we rebuild?”

Brooks also chose the perfect format for this type of story - the story is told through interviews (dozens and dozens of interviews) with different people around the world who were at significant events/moments during the spread of the disease and/or the subsequent war.

Bonus Round: It’s already on its way to being a feature film in 2010.

Bookmark to:

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

“Weekend at Bernie’s”
featuring Harrison Ford.
Was great . . . but he’s OLD.

Cate Blanchett: sexy
Russian dominatrix chick
with a bad accent.

I wanted to hate
Shia LaBeuof, but he was
great in this movie.

Karen Allen: great,
if only she were alive.
She played a mummy.

Bookmark to:

Iron Man

Thought I would hate it.
It was surprisingly good:
four stars out of five.

Downey and Paltrow
truly made the movie great.
Will watch it again.

Bonus Round: Iron Man T-Shirt

Bookmark to:

Baby Mama

I like Tina Fey.
And Amy Poehler kicks ass.
But the film was dull.

It really dragged on.
45 minutes too long.
It felt like nine months.

Bookmark to:

Shutter (2008)

Japanese ghost chick.
Like ‘The Grudge’ with photographs.
New meaning: “dark room.”

A good ghost story.
The Thai version was better.
Now neck cramps scare me.

Bookmark to:

This year, the new up-and-coming (North American) bands are coming from two places: Portland and Toronto.

Best described as a glorious lovechild of the Zombies and the Beatles, Portland’s The Lark is one of the bands to keep your eyes on this year. I recommend you have a listen to their Muxtape sampler; my personal favorites are: “Come Lately,” “Everyday,” and “Always Right.” If I had to predict the one song that will launch them into greater notoriety, it would be “Always Right.”

The Lark are still relatively fresh and are trying to gain a fair cruising altitude - if you like their sampler, you can help them out by requesting them for the upcoming Portland PDX Pop Now! 2008 music festival.

You’ll be able to say that you’re so indie cool because you knew about them way back in 2008. But we already think you’re cool because you’re reading Blogadilla.

Bookmark to:

The Ruins

Why gringoes should not
wander into the jungle:
Red Mayan Death-Vine.

Super sicko deaths.
The four grossest ways to die.
Do not bring your kids.

Bookmark to:

Folks, if you’re ever in need of some groovy music and/or video or are looking to expand your musical horizons, particularly on a slow working day, check out my boy Max Abelson’s Super Groovy Music/Video Spectacular (aka “Max Abelson and His Funktified Flying Fortress of Fantastic Videos of Music”– these phrases are copyrighted, folks!).

Each day, Max and his gang of Oompa Loompas over at Tumblr pour through the series of tubes that is the Internet and find awesome, old media content that I personally could never find on my own. The programming schedule roughly breaks down as follows:

• Mondays: ’60s
• Tuesdays: ’70s
• Wednesdays: ’80s
• Thursday: ’90s
• Friday: ’00s
• Saturday/Sunday: ????

Today, for instance, check out the throwback to Gilberto Gil, from 1967. The video quality may not always be great, but the material Max comes up with certainly is.

Bookmark to:

This past Saturday, I got a chance to go see The Striking Viking Story Pirates, an awesome improv/theater troupe here in New York City that takes stories that real children have written, and turns them into hilarious shorts, usually with a musical flair.  While I prefer the stage version, here is a hilarious short film based on a sentence written by an 8 year old:

The Story Pirates are great, but have dueling personalities.  By day (well, all the time actually), this is a non-profit charity that travels around New York, doing important educational work with the aim of improving creativity and literacy in area schools.  And by night, The Story Pirates bring a more risqué version of their show to an adult crowd at The Drama Bookshop on West 40th Street, which, if you can get out to see it, is well worth the price of admission.

Check these guys out and donate if you can; or get tickets for one of their shows…while it’s still possible!  The Story Pirates are not going to be small potatoes forever.

Bookmark to:

Sexy 70’s Brits
nick bank deposit boxes
a true heist story

Statham is charming
only good movie playing
“The B.J.” ends well

Bookmark to:

Blogadilla co-author Allison and I just got back from watching 10,000 BC. The following is an inventory of our comments driving home from the movie:

•”It’s sad when the best actor in a movie is a computer animated Wooly Mammoth.”

•”If they show this on an airplane, I’m jumping.”

•”This is what happens when you take drugs in a natural history museum.”

•”I’ve picked scabs that were more satisfying.”

•”It was a great comedy.”

•”Roland Emmerich peaked at Godzilla.”

•”10,000 BC - yeah, 10,000 Bad Choices.”

•”Why is it that everyone in 10,000 BC looked like Adam Duritz from Counting Crows?”

Bookmark to:

Last week, Blogadilla co-author Allison and I did our share of bitching about the lack of an ending to the Coen Brothers’ hit movie “No Country for Old Men”.

To clarify: It is possible to have an ending without having “follow-through.” And this lack of “follow-through” is cinematic coitus interruptus. It is cruel and lame.

To illustrate our point: Here is a knock-knock joke I hope to someday tell writers/directors Joel and Ethan Coen:

Me: “Knock-knock!”

Joel and Ethan Coen: “Who’s there?”

Me: “Orange.”

Joel and Ethan Coen: “Orange who?”

Me: “. . .”

Joel and Ethan Coen: “Orange who!?!”

Me: “. . .”

Joel and Ethan Coen: “ORANGE WHO!?!”

Me: “Tommy Lee Jones had a dream about his dad. F#ck you!”

Bookmark to: