Throw Me the Idol

Wednesday, June 4th, 2008

And speaking of Indiana Jones - no home is safe from looters and grave robbers without the ancient Mesoamerican booby trap kit: one idol drops plastic spiders on unwary looters, the other shoots darts from its eyes.

Bonus Round: The Chachapoyan Fertility Idol pencil cup and the Ark of the Covenant business card holder.

Super-Mega Bonus Round: The Crystal Skull Adventure Projector (man I wish I was making this one up).

All of these can be found at The Indiana Jones Shop.

What Is It?: Skyfish

Wednesday, May 7th, 2008

Skyfish (also known as “rods” or “solar entities”) are a fairly recent cryptozoological phenomena - since the beginning of affordable video cameras. They appear as small semitransparent rods with ridged lateral membranes [top right and left photos, artist's reconstruction bottom left]. According to enthusiasts, they can only been seen through a video camera - they dart through the air at such a velocity that they are unseen by the naked human eye.

The reality: There is no record of anyone ever catching a skyfish, though a Chinese effort to catch them (in 2005) revealed ordinary flying insects. Given that all skyfish evidence comes from video footage - and first-hand observations from skyfish enthusiasts/idiots - the answers to the mystery are obvious: frame-rate, motion blur, birds, and insects. The combination of the slower frame-rate of most video cameras (50-60 fps) and the frequency of ‘wing-flap’ of insects and (small) birds in flight produces a blurred/elongated body with multiple wing-flap cycles within a single frame set. A similar effect can be seen in high speed footage of birds and insects in flight [bottom right photo].

How to Catch a Skyfish:

Bonus Round:
The stick used to catch skyfish is called a “spoodle.”

Goopymart Makes My Phone Happy

Thursday, April 24th, 2008

Goopymart.
Rhymes with “art” and “smart.”
And “fart.”

Goopymart’s photostream contains hundreds and hundreds of his awesome poop-your-pants-laughing illustrations. All free (CC Noncommercial Share-Alike 2.0) . . .

. . . and perfect for cellphone wallpapers (and shirts and mugs).

Vintage MJ, with Context!

Thursday, April 24th, 2008

Oh Heywood, you did beat me to it. But here’s the background that makes these early 80s clips worth watching: this video has only recently been released, and was shot by Juan Martin, who shot the footage for Spanish television. He has been holding onto it for years, and for MJ fans like myself (and Heywood), old video like this is digital gold!

Vintage MJ

Wednesday, April 23rd, 2008

This is too good not to post…Vintage Michael Jordan: 1986 Nike Italian Summer exhibition; Shattered backboard. Classic.

(Beat you to it, Nerol! ;) )

B-Dilla on the Moon!

Friday, March 28th, 2008

Rolling Rock Beer recently rolled out an interesting and cool interactive advertising MOONVERTISING campaign, allowing users to create their own advertisements on the moon. Blogadilla reader Ben sent me this cool one, designed specially for us– thanks bro!

Blogadilla on the Moon!

Dick Vitale Is A VERY Sweaty Man.

Sunday, March 9th, 2008

I took this screenshot after last night’s UNC-Duke men’s basketball game. Take special note of Dick Vitale’s hyperhidrotic sweat glands… I mean, who sweats through his own tie?

Dick Vitale is a VERY Sweaty Man

Tomer Hanuka

Friday, March 7th, 2008

Tomer Hanuka.

You gotta love an artist who can do this with zombies and yuppies a Stephen King story.

(thanx for clarification Isabel)

Do NOT Turn Jesus On…

Monday, February 25th, 2008

Do NOT Turn Jesus On...
Found on Flickr
.

As the author says, “Not sure who designed this, but I’m pretty confident they didn’t mean to make it look as if Jesus was showing his manhood to two children!”

What is It? of the Week: A Rat King

Friday, February 15th, 2008

[Given that it is now the Chinese Year of the Rat, I thought this appropriate.]

A Rat King is not the King of Rats, despite what certain dippy ballets and Dungeons & Dragons geeks would have you think. A Rat King is a mythological creature composed of a mass of rats, stuck together by knotted and intertwined tails. This phenomenon is said to occur when rats nest together in large numbers and their tails somehow naturally tangle together. They are reported to move about as a single entity, running amock and scaring the sh!t out of everyone. This phenomenon/myth appears to be of European origin and the oldest report of a Rat King may date to 1564.

For examples of preserved (hoax) Rat Kings: Linkety - Link - Link

Perhaps only worse than a Rat King is the dreaded squawking Chihuahua King.

(via Susan)

Ghost Ship

Tuesday, January 29th, 2008

I recently saw this Halloween costume for sale and a potentially awkward scenario came to mind:

Scene: Halloween night, in a crowded bar/nightclub

Drunk Woman: “What the hell are you supposed to be?! Are you like a Zombie with Curtains or a Dead Conquistador or something?”

Ghost Ship: “I’m a Ghost Ship”

Drunk Woman: “Oh . . . like a Ghost Pirate in that Johnny Depp movie!”

Ghost Ship: “No. I’m like the boat in that movie.”

Drunk Woman: “You’re a boat . . . then why do you have a face?”

Ghost Ship:
“It’s my ghost part.”
“It’s called ‘Anthropomorphic Representation’.”
“Because I’m a ghost also and this is my skull.”
“I’m a personification of a Ghost Ship.”
“Uhh . . . I don’t know.”

Drunk Woman: “Huh?!?!”

Drunk Woman: “Hey, my friend Melissa is going as a Sexy Pirate. Can she ride on your shoulders?”

End Scene

The negative aspects of dressing up as a Ghost Ship:
•Guys in pirate costumes may try to board you, rob you, and then set you on fire in the middle of the ocean.

•The entire night people will ask you what the hell you’re supposed to be.

•’Walking your plank’ jokes get old.

•A group of meddling kids might try to disrobe you in an attempt to prove that you’re an underhanded amusement park owner.

•Guys in pirate costumes may try to ’swab your poopdeck.’

Two Haiku Movie Review: The Orphanage (El Orfanato)

Saturday, January 26th, 2008

“The Orphanage” (El Orfanato)

Haunted orphanage!!
Creepy ghost with a doll mask.
Ghost kids are the worst.

I squealed like a girl.
What’s the Spanish word for “AAAAAAGHHH”?
Almost puked tapas.

Two Haiku Movie Review: Cloverfield

Monday, January 21st, 2008

Cloverfield Movie Poster

Handheld cameras
Half Blair witch, Half Godzilla
All entertaining.

Don’t make my mistake
And sit too close to the screen;
Headaches will ensue.

Note: for a crazy picture of the Cloverfield monster, click here.

Dark Abandoned Places

Saturday, January 19th, 2008

There’s nothing quite as creepy as an abandoned psychiatric hospital.

My recommendation: Turn out the lights and take a look at the spectacular Opacity [urban ruins] gallery of abandoned morgues and mental hospitals while playing tracks from Tom Waits’ ‘Bone Machine’.

Bonus Rounds: Tour abandoned fallout shelters or tour an abandoned missile silo while playing R.E.M.’s ‘It’s the End of the World as We Know It.’

(via Steve “Simply Spent”)

Thanks, Steve.

LOLBibl

Sunday, January 6th, 2008

Just when you thought the LOLCat crap had already gone too far. Behold (you heathens) . . . the LOLCat Bible Translation Project.

“Oh hai. In teh beginnin Ceiling Cat maded teh skiez An da Urfs, but he did not eated dem. Da Urfs no had shapez An haded dark face, An Ceiling Cat rode invisible bike over teh waterz. At start, no has lyte. An Ceiling Cat sayz, i can haz lite? An lite wuz. An Ceiling Cat sawed teh lite, to seez stuffs, An splitted teh lite from dark but taht wuz ok cuz kittehs can see in teh dark An not tripz over nethin. An Ceiling Cat sayed light Day An dark no Day. It were FURST!!!”

(via Susan)

‘What Is It?’ of the Week: Santa Claus and His Evil Servant

Sunday, December 16th, 2007

The modern American Santa Claus is the result of a huge mess of practices and figures that have collided at high speed throughout the ages. Here is a brief synopsis of the origins of the modern American Santa Claus, and a history of his evil assistant (who is all but gone in American culture), in an approximate chronological order:

Santa Claus:
Saint Nicholas - The 4th Century Bishop of Myra (in modern-day Turkey), he was known for giving to the poor. In particular, he was known for providing the dowries for three impoverished sisters - sparing them of a life of begging and prostitution. Saint Nicholas became (among many other things) the patron saint of children. Many cultures honor him on December 6th, weeks before Christmas.

(more…)

Urban Non-Legend: Murderous Satanic Heavy Metal Bands

Tuesday, November 27th, 2007

Nearly every sinister aspect of the “Satanic Heavy Metal Band” stereotype holds true for Norwegian black metal band Mayhem [a.k.a. - "The True Mayhem"]: murder, suicide, Satanic worship (including the arson of churches), and rumored cannibalism.

During the band’s golden era, their shows included ‘Lord of the Flies’ decor: pigs’ heads on stakes, which were also sometimes worn by band members [NSFL - Not Safe For Lunch].

Here is a brief outline of Mayhem’s macabre history:

1984 - Mayhem was founded by guitarist/vocalist Euronymous [Øystein Aarseth], bassist Necrobutcher [Jørn Stubberud], and Manheim [Kjetil Manheim]. They later added vocalists Messiah [Eirik Nordheim] and Maniac [Sven Erik Kristiansen].

1987 - Manheim left the band, tired of the lifestyle; Maniac left the band, institutionalized for depression after a failed suicide attempt.

1988 - Swedish vocalist Dead [Per Yngve Ohlin] joined the band in 1987, and drummer Hellhammer [Jan Axel Blomberg] joined in 1988. Dead was notoriously morbid: wearing rotting clothes and flayed pig skins and cutting himself on stage.

1991 - Euronymous opened-up the band’s independent music outlet in Oslo, called Helvete (”Hell’s Punishment”). This outlet was considered a center for the Satanic cult-like “Norwegian Black Metal Inner Circle”. According to Euronymous, the store’s grim decor was supposed to be “…like a black church in the future. We’ve thought about having total darkness inside, so that people would have to carry torches to be able to see the records.”

1991 Suicide - 22 year old lead singer Dead was found deceased in the home he shared with other band members - the result of an attempted suicide (by knife) and a successful suicide (by shotgun). Euronymous was the first to discover his body; he took photographs - one of which was stolen and became the cover art for a bootleg album of their music [NSFL - Not Safe For Lunch]. Dead left a note saying “Excuse all the blood.” It was rumored that Euronymous ate pieces of Dead’s brain; Euronymous admitted he never did, though he said he had considered it. It is also reported that Euronymous and Hellhammer made necklaces from fragments of Dead’s skull.

1993 Arson - Necrobutcher left the band after the death of Dead and Hungarian black metal vocalist Attila Csihar and bassist Varg Vikernes joined the thinning band. Vikernes was found guilty of the 1992 arsons of Holmenkolle Chapel (Oslo), Skjold Church, and Åsane Church.

1993 Murder - Euronymous owed Vikernes a reported 30,000 Krone for album sales and related costs, which he refused to pay. Vikernes (and 21 year old Blackthorn [Snorre Ruch] from the band “Thorns”) came to Euronymous’s home; Euronymous was found dead with 23 stab wounds, the one in his forehead may have been the fatal blow. Vikernes, who is now serving time for the murder, claims Euronymous fell on broken glass.

1995 - present day - the band has continued on, currently with Attila Csihar on vocals, Blasphemer on lead guitar, Necrobutcher on bass, and Hellhammer on drums.

Their music is avaible for purchase on their Myspace page.

Coffeetable Bosch

Sunday, November 4th, 2007

Now you can adorn your livingroom with hand-crafted Apocalyptic figurines. Creepy characters from the works of 16th century Dutch painter Hieronymus Bosch are available as figurines, by Parastone: “The Garden of Earthly Delights,” “The Last Judgement,” and “The Temptation of St. Anthony.”

(via Susan)

Halloween Paintjobs

Saturday, November 3rd, 2007

I paint [on] naked people, when time and people permit. Every Halloween, I paint less-naked/more-clothed people. Here are some highlights of friends and family that I’ve painted over the last 3 Halloweens (including this Halloween).


-This is me and what my skeleton probably looks like (2007).


-My neighbor Jeff, the living dead (2007).


-My sister, the Waitress of Doom (2006).


-My neighbor, FrankenTravis (2006).


-Heather, Prom Queen of the Damned (2006).


-Adam, the Shrunken Head (2005).


-Cindi, Nice Kitty (2002).


-Me, BeelzeTimbo (2005).

Dead Show

Friday, November 2nd, 2007

The Latin American holiday Dia de los Muertos “Day of the Dead” is today, November 2nd. It is a Precolombian celebration to honor deceased family and friends . . . and Frida Kahlo. This year Redwood City made a great first attempt at a city-sponsored Dia de los Muertos celebration. Traditional dancers, sugar skulls, Oingo Boingo album artwork, pan de los muertos ["bread of the dead"], taquitos de los muertos ["little tacos of the dead"], Chihuahuas de los muertos ["lapdogs of the dead"], churros de los muertos ["breadsticks of the dead"], and tons of enthusiastic dead ancestor fans.

Well done, Redwood City.
Now please make the rest of the year in Redwood City suck less.