I love this bacon scarf. It’s subtle and the packaging really makes it a great gift. For your fancy, foodie friends you could say it was a prosciutto scarf.

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Not just for the survival kit anymore!

So each week I will attempt to do an interesting picture post from my collection. The story behind this one is coming up with fun incentives/bribes for our son to try potty training.
The latest was the glow stick! He loved it! Even made it to nap time, the normal soft furry rabbit got ejected.

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That’s right folks, it’s time for another Monthly Mashup. This time, I took Timbaland’s “The Way I Are” and crossed it with Moby’s “Hymn. ” Enjoy!

The Hymn I Are - Mashup by Johnny Haze, 2007

(Right-click the link to save the mp3.)

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Soon after its creation in 1971 (in the mad scientist labs of General Mills), many disdraught parents discovered that FrankenBerry cereal turned more than the milk pink. Apparently the red dyes in FrankenBerry did not break down in the disgestive tract, producing what medical professionals have come to refer to as “FrankenBerry stool.” Red and pink stuff was coming out of childrens’ bodies and parents were taking them to doctors to screen for internal bleeding. These incidents were common enough for the term “FrankenBerry stool” to make its way into medical literature.

In the name of science and all that is sophomoric, I took it upon myself to personally test this. Behold: “Operation FrankenBerry.” It is a hard-to-find cereal in my area, but luckly I was able to buy FrankenBerry on Amazon.com (also available through Hometown Favorites). Earlier this week, I had two sequential meals consisting of FrankenBerry.

The results: No FrankenBerry stool. They have changed the dyes since 1971. FrankenBerry comes out the same as Count Chocula.

Stay tuned.
Next research project: “Operation BooBerry” (accounts from friends indicate that it does turn things purple). I will post the results soon.

Note: Though the resemblance is uncanny, Al Franken is not affiliated with FrankenBerry.

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[Note: yes, I know this is technically a "What Are They?," but I'm trying to be consistent with the title.]

On July 7, 2007 (7/7/07), the New 7 Wonders organization announced the results of their global election to nominate the New Seven Wonders of the World, which will “represent global heritage throughout history.”

The newly elected Seven Wonders of the World are:

•The (insanely touristed) ancient Maya site of Chiche’n Itza’ in Yucatán, Mexico.
•The Christ the Redeemer Statue overlooking Rio De Janeiro, Brazil.
•The Great Wall of China - “Keeping China Mongol-free since the 5th Century BC!”
•The ancient Inca citadel of Machu Pichu in Peru.
•The Palace Tombs of the ancient Nabataean city of Petra in Jordan - the apparent resting place of the Holy Grail in “Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.”
•The Roman Colosseum in <duh>Rome</duh>.
•The Taj Mahal in India.

Among the many losing candidates are: pretty much everything else in the world that is not those seven things.

The original/traditional list of the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World comes from Greek Poet Antipater of Sidon (~140 BC). All are destroyed except for the Great Pyramid at Giza:
•The Hanging Gardens of Babylon (at present day Al Hillah, Iraq).
•The Temple of Artemis at Ephesus (at present day Ephesus, Turkey).
•The Statue of Zeus at Olympia (at present day Olympia, Greece)
•The Mausoleum of Maussollos* at Halicarnassus (*where the word mausoleum came from) (at present day Bodrum, Turkey).
•The Colossus of Rhodes (at the present day Greek Island of Rhodes).
•The Pharos (Lighthouse) of Alexandria (at present day Alexandria, Egypt).
•The Great Pyramid of Giza (nearby present day Cairo, Egypt).

Even more exciting: the Seven Wonders of Canada.

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In-N-Out Burger is the most secretive of the American fast food chains - the Freemasons of the burger world. For starters: no, they are not run by the Mormons (as my wife insists). But yes, during the 1980’s (when Rich Snyder was company president) they began printing discreet Bible references on their food packaging. I happened to go to an In-N-Out Burger today, here are photos of the bottoms of two drink cups and a burger wrapper:

Burger Wrappers - Revelation 3:20 “Behold, I stand at the door and knock: if any man hear My voice and open the door, I will come in to him and will sup with him, and he with Me.” (cool . . . it relates to eating)

Beverage Cups - John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” (not so food related, unless you’re talking about cholesterol)

Milkshake Cups - Proverbs 3:5 “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding.” (perhaps suggesting we don’t open up the burger and look at it, but just eat it)

And yes, there is a secret menu. Ordering a “Flying Dutchman” (which is not on the regular menu) will get you two meat patties with two slices of melted cheese, and nothing else on it. Ordering “Protein Style” will get you a burger with lettuce and no bun.

The coolest: a “20 by 20” - 20 beef patties with 20 slices of cheese.

[Update 7/21/07]: Will at What Up Willy just sent us a link to an In-N-Out legend come true: a “100 by 100” ordered in Las Vegas in 2004. It’s amazing. Link. Thanks Will!

[Update 7/23/07]: ElDestroyo sent us a link to his roommate’s “26 by 26” experiment. Thanks ElDestroyo - sorry if you had to share a bathroom with him.

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If you find yourself swimming in the Amazon River, wearing loose shorts (or naked), and urinating in the water - you may be in grave danger. A candirú just might swim into your urethra and lodge itself there. Long considered a myth or “bush legend,” this fear has recently (and unfortunately) come to light as true. The name “candirú” actually refers to several species in the Trichomycteridae family and the Vandelliinae subfamily - they are tiny, parasitic, transparent catfish that subsist upon the blood of larger fish. Most of these species lodge themselves among the gills of larger fish (they have sets of backward-facing spines around their head) and live on the blood of their unfortunate hosts. Accounts* also note that some candirú species lodge themselves in the anuses of larger (and terribly unfortunate) fish. Perhaps as a case of mistaken identity, they seem to be attracted to human urine (which perhaps has a chemical signature similar to fish excreta or gill respiration) and will advance to the source, and at times lodge themselves in that source. A 1997 incident of a young man (23 yrs old) near Manaus, Brazil who had a candirú removed from his manhood is one of the first extensively and scientifically documented cases (gnarly web archive photos of the procedure here). The dead specimen (a species of Plectrochilus), which was removed with some difficulty, measured 133.5mm long and 11.5mm at the widest part of its head. The man and his equipment survived intact. A fish this size seemed to have little difficulty working its entire body into the urethra of the poor man. To offer a sense of scale, here is an illustration of a Trichomycterid candirú with an American quarter (specimen illustration redrawn from Spotte).

*The definitive work on this subject is marine scientist Stephen Spotte’s “Candiru: Life and Legend of the Bloodsucking Catfishes.” Spotte has left no stone unturned in this extensive collection of candirú accounts and current research. I got it for Christmas, an awesome read.

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To make sense of who is out there, I generated a nice chart of “the neighbors” in our outer Solar System (Photoshop generated images based upon color and composition data and/or estimations for each body; the data are very limited for some of these); nicknames are in quotes, and the satellites of each are depicted beneath their respective planet-thingy (click on chart to enlarge):

In recent years, our Solar System has become both smaller and bigger. I thought I would chose this subject as the “What Is It? of the Week” because it is a little confusing and I thought I’d sort it out.

Last year, the International Astronomical Union demoted Pluto to the status of Dwarf Planet - the Solar System now only has 8 planets. A Dwarf Planet is defined as: 1). having an orbit around the Sun, 2). having sufficient mass to become a near-spherical shape, 3). not a satellite of another body in the Solar System (other than the Sun), 4). has not cleared the neighborhood around its orbit. Basically, a Dwarf Planet is a small planet with crap around it.

Much of the demotion of Pluto’s status can be attributed to the discoveries of Mike Brown, Chad Trujillo, and David Rabinowitz. In recent years, this team has discovered several bodies in the Solar System large enough to be considered “the next planet” or to cause Pluto to be redefined as a member of an extensive community of smaller planet-like thingies orbiting around the Sun. Among the larger Pluto-like planet-thingies, the Brown team has discovered Eris, Quaoar, Orcus, and Sedna. To add insult to injury to Pluto, it now appears that Eris is around 27% larger than Pluto; Pluto is not even the largest of the Dwarf Planets. Poor Pluto has gone through a lot in the last year. Eris, a rocky iceball (or icy rockball), was discovered in 2005 (by Brown, Trujillo, and Rabinowitz) and until its official naming in Sept 2006, it was nicknamed <nerd>”Xena”</nerd> and its moon (now called “Dysnomia”) went by <nerd>”Gabrielle”</nerd>.

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Slo-Mo-Mentos+DietSoda

(via TVweek.com; Via Metacafe)

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There is a secret TV channel that only rich people can get.

Here is the reality: No, it is not a secret. Yes, it is a little creepy.

It is called “Plum TV” (the name alone is the flavor of lame that rich people flock to). On their website, Plum TV states:

“Plum is dedicated to producing the most informative and entertaining programming that celebrates life in our vibrant communities.”

The vibrant communities that Plum TV celebrates happen to be:

•Aspen
•The Hamptons
•Martha’s Vinyard
•Nantucket
•Telluride
•Vail

Regarding their use of the word “our” - one could surmise that it refers to those who own the costly properties in these celebrated (and gated) communities. The wealthy don’t celebrate their lives enough these days - it’s good to know there’s a whole channel dedicated to doing so.

(via Planet Timbotron, via Susan)

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Earlier this year, scientists made several great leaps closer to a scientific understanding of “ball lightning” and how it is naturally generated - following the hypothesis that ball lightning could be generated by lightning striking soil and a “ball” of vaporized silicon (from the soil) would breifly maintain an electrical charge. Laboratory tests using electrically superheated silicon produced “ball lightning” that persisted for several seconds, moved and changed direction, briefly maintained a “ball” shape, and briefly maintained high temperatures - all typical characteristics reported in natural ball lightning sightings.

Here’s a video of a laboratory recreation of “ball lightning”:

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What do you get when you cross The Eagles with Eamon with Linkin Park? Click below to find out.

California In Stereo - Mashup by Johnny Haze, 2007

(Right-click the link to save the mp3.)

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The Pollock, Pollack, Polish, or Retard Slapfight* consists of two or more opponents facing-off in a jousting match/slapfight with their arms held in a specific position: the left arm is bent so the left hand protects/covers the face, while the right arm is outstretched over the left arm and held outright as a slapping weapon. There are no specific rules regarding this fighting form beyond the understanding that both opponents must keep their arms in this position during melee and that combat must be accompanied by loud screaming. There is little or no information on the internet regarding this rare childhood martial art form; Blogadilla may be the first ever.

*A Note to the Politically Correct Reader: If you happen to be Polish or mentally retarded (or Polish and retarded), please do not take offense to this nomenclature. I didn’t name this, nor do I hold some official position as Namer of Late-70’s Early-80’s Childhood Games. It is clear that these terms come from a cruel era when kids freely taunted retards and the Polish. I can personally attest to the erroneous nature of these terms: I dated a Polish woman. She was brilliant and charming and insisted that this fighting form is NOT in the Polish martial arts repertoire (and she was also perfectly capable of screwing-in a lightbulb by her own means). Likewise, my previous experiences working with mentally challenged children revealed little natural ability or interest in this form of combat, despite my numerous efforts to teach them. They much preferred jumping onto my back without warning and spitting chewed-up cookie down the back of my shirt.

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In the early 1950’s, French-Swiss architect Charles-Edouard “Le Corbusier” Jeanneret thought “There isn’t enough raw concrete and monotony in architecture these days.” Derived from the equally painful “International” architectural style of the 1940’s, Jeanneret named his new style “Béton Brut” (”raw concrete”), which came to be known as “Brutalism.” Brutalist architecture combines the glamour of raw poured concrete (the woodgrain pattern of the mold still visible on the concrete surface) with the playfulness of military bunkers and the repetetive geometric shapes of a Russian psychiatric prison. In the United States, many public buildings constructed during the 1950’s-1970’s reflect Jeanneret’s Brutalist influence - post offices, public schools, public libraries, and military installations. Prisons reflecting this style are purely coincidental. There are even Brutalist churches (photo below) - which makes one truly doubt the existence of God.

I wish to personally thank Charles-Edouard Jeanneret (a.k.a. - “Frank Lloyd Wrong“) for making my elementary school, junior high, and highschool careers even more grey and monotonous.
Wikipedia photo gallery.

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Quick. Name the female equivalent of Viagra. Can’t do it? That’s because it doesn’t exist. The pharmaceutical companies haven’t invented a pill for getting your husband off the couch to help with the housework. (Joking. I kid because I love.) But that’s not because they haven’t been trying.

As Natalie Anger reported recently in the New York Times, the compound bremelanotide is wending its way through clinical trials as a possible treatment for so-called “female hypoactive sexual desire disorder”*:

Studies in rodents demonstrated that the drug not only gave male rats spontaneous erections, but also fomented sexual excitement in female rats, prompting them to wiggle their ears, hop excitedly, rub noses with males and otherwise display unmistakable hallmarks of rodent arousal.

Lest you think that bremelanotide is going to transform your average over-worked, stressed-out, resentful Type A woman into a raging nympho, think again:

Importantly, the females responded to the drug only under laboratory conditions where they could maintain a sense of control over the mating game. Take away the female’s opportunity to escape or proceed at her preferred pace, and no amount of bremelanotide would get those ears to wiggle. In other words, Annette M. Shadiack, director of biological research of Palatin, said, “this doesn’t look like a potential date-rape drug.”

Or, in yet other words, if you’re not in the mood mentally—because you hate your job, you’re stressed, or your spouse has let his six-pack abs become a 12-pack—you ain’t going to be in the mood physically. (To be fair, I understand that Viagra’s the same way. If a guy isn’t attracted to his partner, popping a pill isn’t going to make the little man stand at attention.)

So there you have it. When you’re standing around at that cocktail party this weekend, see if you can drop “bremelanotide” into casual conversation. For bonus points, you can mention the drug’s original purpose. (Sorry, you have to read the article.)

As for whether it will get those ears wiggling, well, I’m not making any promises.

*Try to imagine how hard I’m biting my tongue at this point.

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So I’ve been nominated by my fellow ‘Dillas (well, at least one of them, anyway) to grace y’all with at least one interesting sex fact a week. So here it is.

Men fake orgasm.

And before you start in with the jokes (and the inevitable questions), let me just point what we’re not talking about a few of them. A lot of them. Like a majority of them. In a survey that hubby and I did for our new book, What Men Really Want in Bed, 52 percent of the guys who responded admitted to faking it.

Their reasons? They were tired. Drunk. They knew “it” wasn’t going to happen, and they didn’t want to disappoint their partner. Sound familiar, ladies? (OK, I know, not to all of you. This blogger, for instance, has never faked it once in her checkered history. The reasons are numerous, and not really your bidness. Wait for the memoir.)

Anyway, when I tell people this fact, the question they always ask, agog, is: “How?” C’mon, folks. Use your imagination. In the era of safe sex, it isn’t hard to avoid the tell-tale wet spot.

So guys, ‘fess up. That’s what the comments section is for. Knock yourselves out.

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[This is the first of a weekly series.]

The eyes of the Japanese Daruma doll are left intentionally blank when made. The owner will then make a wish while painting-in the pupil of one eye (typically the right eye). When the wish has been fulfilled, the owner will paint-in the remaining pupil. The Daruma doll is typically displayed in a high visible location in the home or workplace - as a reminder of a goal or wish unfulfilled. The doll’s low center of gravity makes it naturally self-righting when toppled - supporting its association with persistence and optimism.

The Daruma doll - with grim countenance, moustace and beard, and absence of limbs - is based upon the historical figure BodhiDharma: the 6th century founder of Zen Buddhism (the Japanese name Daruma comes from Dharma). According to legend, BodhiDharma meditated for nine years while staring at a cave wall - he lost the use of his arms and legs to atrophy (thus the absence of arms and legs on the Daruma doll). He is known for his distinctive beard and moustache, and a harsh temper.

In recent culture: this figure was a design inspiration for Japanese Unazukin (”yes-no”) dolls and an evil cyborg Daruma appears in the action miniseries <kick-ass>”Afro Samurai“</kick-ass> (note: instead of using an Apple laptop, he appears to be using an “Eggplant”).

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