The word Wal-Mart is pushing on you this summer is Staycation.

Stay·ca·tion [stey-key-shuh-n] noun.

1. A vacation that is spent at one’s home enjoying all that home and one’s home environs have to offer.

Sentence: With the economy in such shambles, I’m gonna take a staycation this year - I think I’ll check out what Wal-Mart is selling and later come up with some more portmanteaux…

Definition via Urbandictionary.

[Update from Heywood]: Check out John Hodgman’s piece on the “Holistay.”

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If you’ve ever been this inspired while eating barbecued wings, you’re probably a redneck.

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Last April, British supermarket chain Tesco removed a model of padded bra from their shelves.

It was designed for 7-to-10-year-olds.

A Tesco representative said:
“It is a product designed for girls at that self-conscious age when they are just developing. It is designed to cover up, not flatter, and was developed after speaking to parents.”

UK Telegraph full article

Here are two possible answers to many many questions that come to mind.

(photo by Daniel Brook)

(via L.A.Times)

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As many of us had wished-upon those (bastard) classmates who were “successful” in high school: a recent study showed that 29% of high school seniors who were “doing well” failed to become financially independent by age 26, and 20% failed to meet their expected life goals at age 26.

Dr. John Schulenberg, professor of developmental psychology at the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor:

“We used to think that if things were going well in high school, they’d continue to go well.”

Ha. Ha.

(via Susan, via Psychology Today)

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Vintage footage of professional jackass Bill O’Reilly having a conniption fit (during the shooting of an episode of “Inside Edition”) has made its way around the interwebs in recent weeks.

Honestly, I would be more surprised to see footage of him not acting like a d!ck.

Behold the brilliant Barely Political “unseen footage” edit of the O’Reilly pants-pooping:

(via Mary, via Brave New Films)

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Here we see MSNBC moonlighting as Captain Obvious. I know they’ve been trying, but get with it, mainstream media! How is this “breaking news” ??

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I wonder how many of these (or worse) she’ll get this Mother’s Day?

 Send your own here.

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Japanese McDonald’s Commercial

I’m so confused:
She’s hot in a Milla Jovovich “Fifth Element” kind of way (hot), but she’s dressed as Ronald McDonald (creepy), and it reminds me of Ron English (subversive and hip) and clown porn (creepy).

(via Accordion Guy)

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Q: Are you currently at work?

1). YES
2). NO

If you answered YES to the previous question, turn back now, go somewhere safer, do not read any further (until you get home).

The following is so NOT SAFE FOR WORK.

I am officially naming the game “Smurf Porn.”
This is a game that you’ve likely played already:
Turn the “safe search” off on your browser and type in any word, plus the word “porn.”

Results: Holy sh!t.

20 minutes of this revealed stupefying results for “_____ + porn”:

• Smurf (I so wish I was kidding about this one)

• Zombie

• Dinosaur (apparently dinosaurs speak German)

• Bowling

• Power Rangers (via Fleshbot)

• Airline Stewardess (duh, but I had to see)

• Bigfoot (Oh, man.)

• The Easter Bunny (Is nothing sacred!?!)

• The Exorcist

• Superman (yes, the man of steel)

• Clown (this just made every childhood birthday party a little creepy)

[and their arch-enemies StopClownPornNow.org]

• Ballet

• McDonald’s (called “Mzinald’s”)

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Today I took this picture of a Starbucks . . .
FROM INSIDE A STARBUCKS ACROSS THE STREET!!!

San Francisco. 100 block of Battery Street near California Street.

I’m too cool to patronize a Starbucks, so let’s say I was in there to use the bathroom.

The Blogadilla Starbucks Challenge:
I will send a free Blogadilla T-shirt (when we get them made in the next month or so) to the first person who can send us a photograph with three separate Starbucks coffeeshops appearing in it.

Contest rules:
• Kiosks do not count, must be a full-fledged coffeeshop.

• They must be three separate Starbucks coffeeshops.

• You cannot use Photoshop, etc. - the photo must be untouched and all three must be clearly visible.

• It must be one photo, no panoramas (but send them anyway), or fish-eye lens shots.

• The photo must be yours and taken by you (not taken from a website, etc.).

• You must provide the specific addresses of the three Starbucks locations.

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John McCain = Popeye. That is all.

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Over a decade ago I was a junior high teacher. Being the Spanish teacher, the students didn’t know me as “Mr. King,” but as “Señor Rey.”

Early in the school year I confiscated a note being passed around - it was a drawing of me with a gigantic forehead. I was losing my hair at the time and in Bruce Willis fashion my forehead was getting larger. The students laughed loudly when I saw the picture and I asked, “My forehead doesn’t really look like this, does it?!?” The students assured me of the cyclopean proportions of my forehead, and that indeed my head was shaped like a brick.

For the remainder of the school year, any time I would turn my back to the class, another Señor Rey forehead illustration would be slipped onto my desk. I made it clear that I thought it was funny, and the humor was always kept at a sane level, and at least they weren’t trashing my car.

Here is a gallery of a few of (the hundreds of) drawings I received throughout the school year:

(more…)

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It seems everyone and their mother is on Facebook these days, but people use the site for a variety of different reasons… keeping in touch with friends, procrastinating, getting some random play, playing scrabble with loved ones, stalking secret crushes– the list goes on and on. But how do you use The ‘Book? This comedic ‘infomercial’ delves into the issue.

(Thanks to Katya for the heads up!)

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How Many Five Year Olds Could You Take in a Fight?

That’s right: all the years of wondering can finally be answered in one easy quiz. It’s good to know that those annoying yet wildly entertaining online quizzes haven’t gone anywhere!

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To drum up excitement for the upcoming Olympic games, and to tap into the audiences that watch Lost and still remember (enjoy?) playing Myst, a new online game called The Lost Ring emerged in late February. The New York Times recently featured an interesting article about the hidden sponsorship of the game, players around the world, and the relatively cheap cost of orchestrating worldwide phenomena. (Interestingly enough, the article was written on April Fools Day, so it’s unclear whether anyone took the review seriously).

Here’s the trailer that started it all:

The game apparently started with 50 bloggers who knew all those sleepless nights spent online had finally paid off, but has now gotten big enough that there are wikis, podcasts and players collaborating around the world to piece together the story and pick up hidden clues left in cities around the world. The game will culminate during the opening ceremony of the Olympics with some sort of tie-in. You can catch up and join in the fun at The Lost Ring Wiki.

(thanks Alexis)

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As the saying goes, “A picture is worth a thousand words.”

And those words are:
• Jerry Springer
• “Actually, this is our second child.”
• “Will the real Slim Shady please sit down?!”
• “We cut Sex-Ed class.”
• Future congressman of Arkansas.
• “We got a ‘3-for-the-price-of-2′ special on these photos.”
• 30-year-old grandma.
• “I look just like Demí.”
• “Let’s bring the baby to prom!”

From DIGG: The Best Yearbook Photo Ever.

(via Cindi)

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2006: As some of you may remember, Chevy trucks thought they’d create a cyber-hip-20-somethings ad campaign where you could make your own Chevy Tahoe commercial . . . and it backfired in a major way.

2008: BMW has decided to walk into the punch. Get a load of BMW’s cyber-virtual-interweb-hipster ad campaign for their new BMW 1 Series: draw on their car with Facebook Graffiti, for a chance to win mediocre prizes.

And the trolls have obliged.

I planned on submitting this fine Photoshop project below, until I discovered that you have to use stupid Facebook Graffiti to do all of your artwork. Dammit!

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“‘Platypus’? I thought it was pronounced ‘platymapus.’ Has it always been pronounced ‘platypus’? ”

- Jessica Simpson

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Earlier this month I wrote a post about the spectacular theme-blog Stuff White People Like. And, of course, given the amount of attention this site has received, it was only a matter of time until someone did a lame ripoff. That day has arrived: Stuff Christians Like. Holy sh!t. Literally.

There are a few items that have yet to make it to their list:

#97 - Having to take conventional things and make them ‘Christian,’ as if everything in the secular world is just too damn corrupt or dangerous or just not magical enough.

#99 - Incessantly talking about being Christian in a self-congratulatory manner, to the point of making unimaginative blogs about it.

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So last week I turned 32. Looking at where I am at in my life and where I thought I’d be at 32, I feel pretty good–I’ve started my own business, traveled the world, already had a couple of interesting professions, I have good friends and a cool dog. I am however missing that special someone. I would have thought that at this age I would be getting serious about finding a life partner and have developed a refined list of desired qualities in a mate, such as shared interests, successful career, thoughtful and spiritual, great lover, etc. Instead, I have whittled my boyfriend requirements down to a pretty simple list of minimum standards. At this point my ideal date must be:

1. SINGLE (hard to believe, but I actually have to put this on the list)
2. Employed, making more than minimum wage (this is a tough one for me, but struggling artist/musician doesn’t count as employment)
3. Living in their own place (don’t have to own a house, just not be couch-surfing or living with their parents)
4. Born in the 70’s (although old dudes seem to dig me, I don’t dig them–Viagra or not)
5. The owner of a car (that runs)
6. Capable of basic hygiene and grooming (I don’t want someone I have to dress or who has flesh-eating bacteria)
7. Not the owner of a bong or a keg-erator (I’m flexible however on the keg-erator, they ARE handy for entertaining)
8. Straight (I’d consider openly bi-sexual, just not gay and in denial)

Looking back over the past 17 years or so of my love life I have to say that I have actually never been involved with someone who meets all of the above criteria. Sometimes I think it’s just me, but believe it or not I am kind of picky when it comes to men. And I’m kind of a catch. So, if you or someone you know fits the above criteria and lives within 30 minutes of Watsonville, CA, I’d be happy to hear from you! But at this point the next well-meaning person who asks me, “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?” is going to get punched in the mouth.

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